I am 41-years-old and single, never been married, once had a promising career--make that twice had a promising career--and each time abandoned it to follow a dream.
I'm An Art Student In Honolulu
I used to be a reporter for a daily paper in a large California city; now I am an art student in Honolulu who spends her time surfing, making art, and wondering when and why I got off the train.
I've Had Dozens Of Boyfriends Over The Years
Over the years I have had dozens of boyfriends, one of which nearly led to marriage, but somehow my relationships have not lasted long, and I've learned every lesson the hard way--made every mistake in the book.
Partly I think it was a fear of where commitment and stability might lead that has kept me somewhat on the run. Some days I despair, feeling my life has been a failure because I do not have a husband or house or career. Other days, when the surf is up and my artwork is having an impact, I cannot imagine any measure of success greater than this freedom.
My Philosophy: Dependency Is A Fine Line
After so many failed relationships, I have concluded that standards, contracts, definitions and vows will never make a relationship stable, because people and circumstances are not static.
Only by being honest, free and responsible for oneself, to oneself -- and encouraging that in a partner -- can one grow in a relationship and let a relationship grow. One has to walk a fine line between dependency and independence, and it is couples who learn to negotiate this that survive.
Mar's Answers Make Me Uncomfortable
I agree with a lot of the panelists, or at least understand, based on their history, why they have the views they have. Some of the answers from Mar make me a little uncomfortable because she seems to lump all men together into good and bad, and imply that you should not trust them. But it's hard for me to say that I have a single point of view, any more than they do.