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Dear Ms. Butterfly,

I'm a bit perplexed by your problem. Is the vow of celibacy part of his church mandate? Does your boyfriend plan to end this vow upon marriage? Why would he break this vow? It doesn't sound like a one-night kind of recklessness, so I've got to assume that something changed.

Why Is He Suddenly Renewing His Vow Now?

Just because he made a mistake out of passion does not mean that he does not take her seriously.

My guess is that he's scared the relationship will develop into something more serious, and (that is why) he just now remembered his vow. In other words, if this wasn't any big deal, I can ignore the vow I made, because it's not really serious, it's not sex exactly. But, if we're in love, then we can't have sex until we're married. (Unless, he took the vow to never have sex again, and then, I'm really confused!)

I disagree, it's not about commitment, it's about faith and guilt.

Maybe He's Scared of Commitment

In any case, my guess is that he is doing one of three things:

It isn't about his commitment to her,. it's about his beliefs.

1) He's scared of the future and wants to break up

with you, but can't do it directly.

2) He's scared of the future and he wants to test you to see if you are willing to commit enough to wait for sex until you are married.

It doesn't matter why he is doing it- the question is can she live without sex or trust.

3) If the vow is a forever vow, he may have just had a weak period with you, in which case, the question is, why isn't he telling you to leave him alone to his religious devotion?

You Both Need To Share Your Thoughts

As you can see, I'm not sure what to tell you. If I were you, I would tell him that sex for you is about you and him, not about God. That you don't want to put limits on the relationship. I would sound him out about his thoughts about the future. Is he worried you two are too young to get married, or is he not ready?

Why Did He Wait?

I agree, here is what happened to me

As for questions for yourself...Why would he wait to tell you about this vow of celibacy? What is he really looking for? What do you want for yourself? Are honesty and openness important in a sexual relationship? Can you trust this person?

It's A Religious Issue, Ask the Church For Help

You might suggest a meeting with his church leader to talk about your situation. If he's not willing to do that, then my guess is he's not really serious about you or his vows...




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