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I love your letter. You are so caught up with this guy, and even though he is not taking your feelings seriously, you are having a really nice time with him. Your pain, but also your joy comes through!

Also, even though you're young, the issues you're wrestling with are fundamental to any relationship. I think the bottom line is, What do you really want?

He Wants His Cake, and He Wants to Eat it Too

You sound like my mother. But then you are probably the same age as my mother.

He's not hard to figure out: he's having his cake (his girlfriend) and he's eating it too (by seeing you). He gets the love and attention of two young women, what guy doesn't want that problem?

Yeah, and those people are called: "Guys"

I think that many people are not necessarily monogamous, and that it's usually one partner in a relationship that feels stronger on this issue.

If it Matters to You, Tell Him

If she is going to give him an ultimatum, she should read my Ultimatum Rules first.

If being the one and only girlfriend is what matters to you, then you can't keep seeing this guy. You shouldn't see being honest with him about your feelings as an ultimatum, you should see it is a clear message about what you want. If you want him to see only you. And if that is a really important issue in relating to someone, then you owe it to YOURSELF, not just your partner to be honest.

If you were to say to him, "I care about you, but I can't keep seeing someone who doesn't make me his one-and-only," you've put your honest feelings out there.

Now I don't think he has or ever had intentions to leave her. Well now I"ve come to see his feelings weren't true.

  • If he breaks up with his old girlfriend and starts seeing you, you'll know that his feelings are true and that he's willing to pay attention to important feelings you have.
  • If he tries to pressure you into accepting the current situation, you should ask yourself, "Why am I bothering with a guy who can't even respect my basic needs for security in a relationship?"

I think the ball is really in his court. If he wants to be successful in relationships, he can't be dishonest and disrespectful. Until someone tells him this, he'll just keep doing it.

Write us back and let us know what happens!!

Charlie

 

 

 

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