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It hurts to care so much, what is he thinking?

Dear Panel,

I am a 19 year old college student who realized she was in love with a guy who wanted to be with her before and doesn't know where he stands now.

The person I'm writing about is a guy that I met at school in September, who was an obsessive friend, turned into a more intimate relationship, who is now being cold, distant, and unreadable.

His girlfriend (who he isn't getting along with) is at another university and is graduating in May and breaking up with him to move to another state.

His two roommates have both started hitting on me at parties recently.

When We Met, He Was Obsessed With Me

I met this guy at a party during the second week of school in September. I wasn't initially that attracted to him, but the guy started coming by my dorm room very late at night and telling the entire football team how he "thought he was in love with me".

For some reason, I wasn't scared/disturbed by his "stalker-tendencies" and since we had common friends, we started hanging out together. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked being around him and realized that I thought he had a great personality. Then I learned that he had girlfriend at another school who he had been with for two years.

I kept telling myself that there was no way I was going to get caught up in the middle of their relationship and that I could avoid becoming emotionally attached to the situation. Well, I was COMPLETELY wrong...

He started sleeping in my room pretty regularly and would call me three times a day, but was always a little protective, saying how he shouldn't see me so often or trying to avoid me for a day because I he thought I was "addictive".

He kept telling me that after winter break, he wanted to break it off with his girlfriend because they were fighting all the time and be with me, but I was very noncommittal because I was so confused about how I felt towards him.

He was overcomplimentary, telling me how intelligent/beautiful I was, but I wasn't all that nice to him in return. I didn't see him for a month when we were both home over Christmas break.

Over Christmas Break I Realized I Cared for Him

Over that period, I realized how much he meant to me and that I was unavoidably sprung on this guy. When we came back to school in January, he went from being completely obsessive to practically avoiding me.

His relationship with his girlfriend is crumbling rapidly and is basically over as soon as she graduates from her university in May. He is pretty stressed out about things apart from his girlfriend, feels his life is a mess, and told me that he is going through a transition period and that he doesn't want to deal with relationships at all right now.

He Says that He is Supressing His Feelings for Me

I have been very open with him and told him how strongly I feel about him, but I don't have a clue what he's thinking or feeling. I was actually blunt enough to ask him if he still felt the same way about me and his answer was that he's "suppressing" his feeling because he doesn't want to deal with it right now. This is the same guy who was wondering if I would marry him a few months ago...I know I haven't changed, so is it possible that he has no feelings for me whatsoever now?

This guy appeared in my room last Tuesday night and had been drinking, so I let him sleep in my bed because I didn't want him driving home. He tried to kiss me at one point and I wouldn't let him, but I'm not even sure if he did it consciously.

In the morning he kissed me on the forehead and left. Two days later, I saw him on campus and he was weirdly cold and distant to me.

I Barely See Him Now

I barely see him twice a week now and I don't call him, but half the time he is avoiding me and I feel like he hates me even though I know he really doesn't. He obviously doesn't feel that we can be regular friends to each other. He will tell me that there's no way we can be together right now, that "things are different now and not like it used to be" and then passionately tells me that I "have no idea what he sees when he looks at me" because I'm "not a typical girl" and I'm only going to get smarter and prettier. I have NO clue what any of that means.

What's making it worse is that BOTH of his roommates have been seriously hitting on me at parties recently, though I'm not sure if he's even aware of it. Three guys, who are also acquaintances of his, have told me that they are interested in me, but I can't even think about seeing other people because I can't get him off my mind.

My Friends Say, "I Only Want What I Can't Have."

My friends were teasing me that I "only want what I can't have", and I'm starting to wonder if he feels like he can treat me this badly because he knows I'll be "waiting" when he has everything straightened out.

I'm just trying to give him space and letting him know he can come find me if he wants someone to talk to or if he needs anything.

I've had serious relationships before, but I've never felt this strongly about anyone before and its messing with me on a totally unfamiliar level. I have no idea what to do. Its hurting me so much inside that sometimes I get really depressed, wondering if I could have made things different by being more committal earlier.

Please help me be able to sleep at night.

What is this unreadable guy thinking? It hurts to care about him so much!

-- Heartbroken and Confused

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