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I think I love her; what should I do?

Answers:

Well, I don't mean to sound flippant, but get a clue!

The issue, I think, is that you live with the mother of your daughter, you broke off the relationship with her four years ago, and now you find that you have feelings for her.

You wonder if she could ever "like you" again.

Obviously, she "likes you." She let's you live with her and your daughter! She gives you what amounts to unlimited access to her, and you are sharing a home.

I'm not sure where to begin here. I see a bunch of options for you:

This has to be the first step. Talk about these issues with her.
  1. Tell her you are once again attracted to her, and would like to see if you can reignite the old spark. See what her reaction is to this idea. Find out why she may be nervous about it. (Given that you dumped her once, I can guess why she might be!)
    I agree with this option. He needs to move out because his living situation is clouding his thinking.

  2. Forget her and move on (move out!) You say that you are more attracted to her now that she doesn't like you, and that if she were to start liking you again, that you might stop liking her. Does this sound healthy to you? Does this sound like an adult way to conduct relationships? Aren't you interested in a relationship that is more than just sexual? I suggest getting your head screwed on straight before messing up the home life of your daughter and her mother.
    I agree with this option. Until he moves out, he won't be able to resolve his feelings.

  3. Move out and then see if you are still attracted to her. Part of your attraction could be that you are playing "family," so naturally you want some of your ex-girlfriends intimacy and love. If you weren't living there I wonder if you would feel the same. If you find that you do feel the same, then go out on dates (without your daughter) and see if the fire is still burning. Also, living with your ex puts a damper on any other possibilities you might find out there.

Yeah, it would be nice if he could figure out what he wants in relationships. But he has to at least figure out what he feels in THIS relationship

I think the bottom line, though, is for you to figure out what you really want in relationships. You loved her once, lost interest, regained interest, and think that if she returned your interest you would lose interest again.

What is it you're looking for? Why would her interest turn you off? Do you prefer being mistreated?

I don't think you'll ever feel happy in relationships until you figure out what's going on with you in this case.

Good luck,

Charlie

 

 

 

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