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How do I help her feel that she doesn't have to tell me everything?

Dear Panel,

I am extremely in love. My relationship is the most important thing to me. I understand that people need space, and I try not to be overwhelming, even though I would happily spend every minute with the love of my life.

She (Rob) is a loving, caring, intelligent person who has never really been alone, and who has had many unsuccessful long-term relationships. Many of them have caused her difficulties we have now worked on together.

My Story

I am in a situation I not only did not expect but also don't know how to correct. I am engaged to the most wonderful girl I have ever met. She says she loves me more than anyone she has ever been with, and that she really wants things to work. However, she has suddenly realized that she does not think she is ready for every decision she makes to affect someone else.

She Wants Her Freedom

She wants freedom to do what she wants, but feels that even by *telling* me what she's doing, she is losing her space. Additionally, she says she has always been like this; and that she hoped things would be different.

You're kidding yourself. Everything she does, DOES affect you.

She won't do things because she'll be afraid I won't approve, and she doesn't want that experience, EVEN WHEN I've told her I don't mind!

She feels that because I have to know where she is (not because I ask to, but, for example, so I know if I can make dinner or plan anything) that she cannot truly do as she pleases. She is afraid to spend money or ask to go out because she's afraid I'll feel bad, even though I've told her numerous times I won't!

I've tried really hard to hide any negative feelings I've had about her activities (if there's been any) so that she will feel comfortable. But it's just not working and now I may lose her so she can 'be alone', until she is ready to have this responsibility.

How do I help her to feel that she does not have to tell me everything?

- Desperate

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