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How do I find out what's up with us?


Dear Jessica,

So You're Afraid of Sounding Stupid?

Forrest Gump was right on in this case. There's nothing stupid about having feelings for someone. There's nothing stupid aboutwanting more from someone you've had sex with.

Sandy It is stupid to assume. She should have checked BEFORE she slept with him.

There's nothing stupid about assuming that there could be more in this relationship than passion and attraction.

You're Both Shy

You both sound shy. If he's not a talker, and you're not a comfortable talker, who's going to do the talking? If you're really ready for a more serious relationship with someone, you're going to have to get over feeling awkward abouttalkingabout what you really want and need.

Sandy He knew what was going on: a one-night stand!

Howcan the guy -- who is predisposed to avoid commitment -- know what YOU want? I hate to put the burden of moving the relationship forward on you, but this guy sounds like he has no clue about what's going on.

Obviously there's mutual attraction, but so what?

Ok, tips on communication:

  1. Don't just say, "So, what's up with us?"
  2. Use "I" statements.

"I've really been thinking a lot about our connection. I really think that we have a chance to get closer to each other and learn more about each other. I was wondering if you would be interested in having dinner, or a drink with me this Friday." You don't have to get all mushy or all permanent.

You want the relationship to go the next step. That's great, but you have to take each step from your own comfort level. What do you want to happen? What do you feel comfortable expressing?

At thisstage, the ball's in your court, and to keep him interested youhave to tell him some things about how you're feeling.

  1. Another way to keep a guy interested is to get him talking about himself.

Most guys love to talk about themselves and they rely on their girlfriends to be interested in what's going on with them. If you're uncomfortable about saying the wrong thing, make him do the talking. Ask about his work, his family, his parents, his other friends, his goals in life, his goals in relationships, his feelings about sports...whatever.

But, the more he talks, the more he'll think you're interested. Who knows, you might even BE interested.

Good luck,



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