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How can I fix this marriage?

Mensch Answers:

The short answer to your question:

You Are Being Abused

What's going on is that you're being abused and taken advantage of, and it needs to stop.

You can't blame EVERTYTHING on him. Relationships take effort on both parts.

There are two reasonable ways for this to happen: either he changes his ways, or you leave.

To relate specifically to each of your points:

Teenagers Rarely Listen

All 13-year-olds (going all the way up through 16-17 and sometimes beyond) think they're grown and don't have to listen to their parents. That's where discipline and boundaries come in, but that takes work and effort from both parents if they're around. I can't teach you how to raise your son, especially now that he's 13, but that's not your primary problem anyway...

Give Away Some Pets

The pets... also not the primary problem, but there's an easy way to reduce the load there: give some away for adoption. The rat you may have trouble unloading, but I'm sure your local pet store will be willing to help.

Your husband's a sorry excuse for a mate

Now to your main issue: your husband. It would have been somewhat unfair of me to judge him just based on your description, but luckily we got his side of the story too. All he did was dig himself deeper into the hole you put him in. He's a sorry excuse for a mate, and a shameful example of a Man.

Marriage is a partnership

Marriage is not about "putting a roof over someone's head and food in their stomach," it's supposed to be a partnership where people support and nurture each other. Being a father IS about listening to your child and hearing about his day even if you've had a long day yourself. Your husband's attitude is sickening, and frankly I'm not optimistic about the "king's" prospects for ever understanding any of these things, but I feel obligated to suggest counseling for the lot of you before I recommend anything else.

Move on

If he adamantly refuses to go to counseling, you need to very seriously and carefully examine your options for becoming a free agent again, if you'll pardon the metaphor. Whatever his reasons are for acting the way he does (and there may be very sympathy-inducing conditions in his past), there's no excuse for his behavior. Plenty of people grew up in difficult conditions and became better people for it. He's squandered that opportunity, and he's dragging you down with him - he's got no right to do that, and you have every right to be treated as a human being. Move up, or move on!


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