Dear Confused and Frustrated,
Love Is A Battlefield
In many previous columns I have compared relationships to a dance. In this case, I think a more apt comparison is a battlefield. To be successful, you have to know when the right moment is to make your move. But, I do think your points are valid. Why should you be disappointed with the "most important piece of jewelry you will ever own?"
Being Satisfied With The Way You Look
The question is, what is this argument really about? For you it is about your most cherished piece of jewelry. It's about being satisfied with how you look and how you feel being a married woman. It's about matching your own perceptions of your married self with how you really are being viewed by others.
Unfortunately, for your husband, it's not about any of these things. For him, the ring represents the marriage. It represents his willingness to take the big plunge, to publicly declare before your family and community, and before God that you two are together. For him, it's not so important that you have a ring you like, but that you keep the symbol of your union.
The WEDDING Ring Is The Symbol
I would tell him that the wedding ring is the symbol. The engagement ring historically has been used to win the bride's heart. In your case, he got the wrong ring and still won your heart. He was lucky about a year ago, but will he continue to be lucky as you grow to resent the fact that he bought the wrong ring in the first place?
Does he want a marriage based on disappointment?
He Owes Her The Right Ring
I think every husband owes it to his wife to make sure she absolutely loves that engagement ring. I certainly wouldn't want the first thought my wife gets when she looks at her hand:
"that SOB couldn't even get the right ring!!"