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Dear Wondering,

I think I'm still wondering, too.

How the Line Is Drawn

As your question makes clear, there is no right answer to this age-old question. I think the line of acceptability is drawn by the strength of the relationship with your significant other. And, I think this goes for both men and women.

Exes Don't Matter If the Current Realtionship Is Good

But they do matter to your current partner, to whom you owe your first allegiance.

If you and your "partner" have a long-term, monogamous, healthy relationship, then past boyfriends or girlfriends, whether you've slept with them or not, should not have any impact on your current relationship.

Relationship Problems Are the Issue

Jeannie This is too easy of an answer for a difficult topic.

In my opinion, things get murky the more questionable your relationship is with your current "partner." In fact, I only really think this is an issue if there are problems with your current relationship.

My Female Friends

In my own experience, I have turned to female friends for sexual liaisons when I was single. It turned out to be wonderful, but, it did often change our friendships. Would I have been more noble in forgoing those relationships? I think it depends. I've had several women friends who I was very drawn to but did not act on my sexual feelings, and our friendship changed anyway as time went by. So I don't think there is a hard and fast rule for this stuff.

Again, though, I think that these issues become problems when the feelings are less than clear-cut. If you still harbor feelings for an ex, or if your current relationship is insecure, then cross-gender friendships can be land mines.

Destroying Friendships

According to Plato's Symposium, platonic love does NOT exclude sex.
-- Webmistress Cynth

I've destroyed platonic friendships by giving in to sexual feelings, because the sexual feelings stretched the limit of the platonic connection. And, she lost a boyfriend in the process.

So, as I often say, there's no right way or wrong way, there's only the way that works.

That's certainly wishy-washy enough for me. Maybe YOU should go to church.

Wishy-washy enough for you? If you want absolutes, go to church!






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