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Am I a fling?


Dear AL:

It's Not About Him

How can you tell if he is ready for a commitment? Honestly, I think you are looking a little too far away to see what's really going on here. Based on your question, and the way you phrased things, I don't believe this is truly about HIM at all. I think it's about you. You mention that you aren't sure if you are ready for a relationship, you aren't sure you can trust him because he's a little too immature. You don't know if he understands you.

How can HE understand you if YOU don't?

Before the "guy" in your life can be the person that you want him to be, you have to know what you want ...and that generally means figuring out what's going on inside of you first. You can never expect someone else to change, but what you can do is grow and learn about yourself.

Figure out what you want out of life, or just have FUN with life. It doesn't have to be a serious soul searching conversation every can be just learning as you go along. But before you try to truly commit yourself (or commit someone TO you) to a relationship, you need to know what you want out of that relationship.

You're Not Ready

Lefty I agree — he is at least a good friend.

The guy you've described sounds like potential for a great friend, but honestly, I do believe you hit the nail on the head. You aren't ready for a relationship yet. After a month, to already be questioning what you are doing should be a BIG red flag. (Not a little one...).

Jeannie Don't Date Him Exclusively

Mr. Sensitive That's a California answer. You should check my Guide to Local Dating.

There is no feasible reason why you can't continue to see this guy, to date him, to keep him in your circle of friends but I would suggest not making it exclusive. I would suggest giving yourself a little time first to figure out what exactly it is that you DO want before settling for someone and then trying to change him as you go along.

Good luck!

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