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How can she see me as more than her tutor?


Dear Goldenbear,

She Trusts Your Role As Teacher

Just as I would advise any other type of teacher not to get involved with a student, I will give you the same advice. Not necessarily for the same reasons, however. We'll address the age issue momentarily, but first you have to realize that as her tutor, her teacher, she has given you an element of trust and a certain amount of respect because of the role that you play in her life.She's given her trust that you will be there to help teach her and show her how to do better in certain areas of her life.

Crossing the Boundaries

When you have any kind of relationship with someone, you need to be able to trust that person and know that it won't go beyond certain boundaries. If you were to ask her out while remaining her tutor, you would be taking your relationship beyond the boundaries in which she very well might feel comfortable with.

Find Her Another Tutor

If you truly want to ask this girl out, I would highly suggest that you find her another tutor first. You have to consider the consequences of your actions. She may or may not reciprocate your feelings. In either case, whether she does or doesn't, stepping out of your role as her tutor is probably the wisest choice. She can begin to see you as someone other than her tutor if you no longer are her tutuor.

Comfort Levels

If she does care for you in return, you would no longer be an effective teacher. If she does not care for you in return, then the level of comfort between the two of you will have changed.

The Age Issue: Seventeen Is Still a Teen

Another issue that you truly have to consider before taking this a step further, is that she is 17 years old. She may even be a mature 17, but she is still only 17 years old.

No matter how mature of a teenager you are, you are still a teenager - you still have a lot of experiences and a lot of living to do.

Jeannie You Can Drink and Vote

Karmela Not only iis it illegal for her to drink,it is illegal for her to have sex. He should wait until she's legal.

You are 22 years old, you are beyond the legal age limit to drink - she is barely old enough to drive. She may have a wonderful personality and you two may get along famously, but once you throw romantic entanglements into a relationship, that can change. She's young, and she has a lot of life left to live. While you are also still very young, you've passed a few major age changes in your life - 18, are in a position that she won't be in for at least 5 more years.

It Will Wear Off

Her mindset is going to be different. And honestly, she may like the idea that you are "older and wiser" but eventually she will feel her youth. You may be better off just remaining her friend.

You're an "Adult Figure"

I will suggest that you seriously consider your actions before taking them. There is a lot more at stake here...she's young enough to be influenced by someone she probably sees as an "adult figure" - yes, that would be you. You are her teacher, you are older than she is...and whatever you decide will impact her life as well as your own. You've taken a position as a tutor that bears a certain responsibility. I believe being a tutor is no different than being a teacher, especially when there is such an age gap between you.

It's totally up to you on how you decide to view being her teacher. Perhaps having her see you in another light is not the best answer.

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