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Why can't I stop lusting after other guys?


Dear Torn:

You need to fulfill whatever is going on inside of you.

Figure Out What Is Really Going On

You say that you love your boyfriend and that he's the "one". If that's truly the case, then you have some other issues underneath that you are probably not dealing with. However, before we get to that, let's get a few other things out of the way first.

Looking Is Not Wrong

Jody It IS wrong. This is just like the pornography question. She is CHEATING on him if she is attracted to others.

Looking at other men and enjoying it, sometimes even being attracted to other men is not wrong. It is your actions that you are responsible for, but I think that no matter how much you love someone, you are still human and you are still a creature of will find other men attractive. There's nothing wrong with that. However, you state in your email that you WANT other men. That is more cause for concern.

Spice Up Your Sex Life

Why do you want others? Are you not physically satisfied with your boyfriend? You say that you can't get excited about him anymore. WHY? Perhaps there is an easy fix here...spice up your love life. Learn more about what it is that excites you and involve him in it. Fantasies are normal, and if you are having fantasies about other men, trust me, you are one of many. But perhaps you're allowing your fantasies to override your reality. Try and bring your fantasy life into your own bedroom. Talk to him about what you fantasize about, perhaps the two of you can try to bring some to life.

If You're Not Ready, It Can Lead to Problems

Survivor She is never going to be ready until she realizes that a fantasy is just a fantasy.

If this is not a pure lack of physical stimulation, then you are in deeper territory and have some serious considerations to make. The fact that you were a late bloomer? Most definitely that will have some later repercussions for you. You can love your boyfriend, but if you are already wondering what life would be like with other men, then perhaps NOW isn't the time in your life for "the one." He may not regret having had more experience previous to you, but it's obvious that you want to explore your world a little more before settling down.

JeannieDon't Damage Your Relationship

While he may be the One, and in the future things may work out for you, it just may not be the right time for that. You say that you don't want to tell him because it would crush him. It will ultimately hurt and damage your relationship more if you aren't honest with him about what is going on inside of you. Just be sure that you are positive about what you want before you tell him.

It doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. Sometimes, it can make for a better beginning.

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