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Should I worry about his female roommate?


Dear AJ,

There's a Problem If He Doesn't Choose You

Charlie You're wrong – it's not about her

Whenever another woman (or man for that matter) is present in your significant other's life, and he is unwilling to choose YOU over her, there is definitely a problem. (Been there, done that...) Friendship is one thing – settling limits and boundaries on that friendship is an entirely separate issue and something I would highly suggest that you do with your boyfriend.

More Than Meets the Eye

The fact that they are living together leads me to believe that there is more going on than you are aware of. If she is so possessively jealous of him, then her feelings are obvious to him...and he makes a choice to be around her all the time.

He has made a choice between the two of you by NOT setting a limit on his friendship with her. Sure, he can be friends with whomever he wants, and asking him to NOT be friends with someone is not a great way to go. However, you should never have to compete with another woman for his loyalty and his love.

I Was the Ex Girlfriend Turned Best Friend

My ex boyfriend and I became great friends after we broke up – too good friends. Our friendship took precedence over the people in our lives...and ultimately became a factor in why our relationships broke up. We denied any feelings towards each other, insisted we were only friends and that our friendship was something that no one could ask us to relinquish.

His girlfriend at the time was very uncomfortable with it (and I can now see why) and repeatedly asked him to stop spending time with me as much. He refused and told her that we had been friends long before she ever came around, and he wasn't going to lose that friendship. He essentially made a choice there – my feelings. OUR feelings were more important to him than hers. Plain and simple, he chose me. Your boyfriend is choosing her.

Set Limits

However, putting him aside. If YOU are uncomfortable with this, then that's a limit you need to set and you deserve to have that limit met. You need to know for yourself what feels right to you and what helps you to feel important to him and worthwhile. Once you have done that, tell him your needs...but be prepared to walk away if he doesn't honor them. If he hasn't done so now, it's not likely that he will.

It's up to you to decide if this is truly how you want to live your life and your relationship. If he won't even consider listening to you, then he certainly isn't the great catch you might believe him to be.

Good luck.

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