Dear A Little Annoyed:
It's Not "Silly" to Him
Something that caught my interest in your letter is that you called this a "silly situation." Given that, I think that there is a serious lack of communication between you and your guy. If this was a silly situation to him, he wouldn't continue to bring it up. Perhaps you may be better served to understand WHY he continues to bring it up, rather than get him to stop doing so.
He's still hurting obviously The fact that he continues to bring this issue to the forefront of your relationship is a clear indication that he has not let go of the issue, and for whatever reason has not gotten what he NEEDS in order to do so.
Don't Invalidate His Feelings
Meaningless to you, but not to him. It would seem that the kiss to the other guy was not important to you, meaningless to you. However, have you considered how that might make your GUY feel? It might be meaningless to you, but it was still worth crushing a part of his heart and his trust in you to do it. I have a feeling that the longer you invalidate his feelings as being silly and unimportant, the more this issue is going to flare up.
He Takes Your Kisses Seriously
He doesn't trust you, you are right. He doesn't trust you, and while you may not have had physical contact with another guy and that kiss may have been "just" a kiss, I wonder if that is what he doesn't trust you WITH. Perhaps it's a little deeper than that. If a kiss to another guy is meaningless to you and you've stated that fact to him, how do you suppose that might make him feel? He may wonder if you'd do it again, if it means so little to you. If HE means so little to you. Perhaps it is simply his heart that he isn't sure he can trust you with.
Acknowledge His Feelings
Try and honor his feelings Rather than call his feelings childish and unimportant, try understanding where he's coming from. He can't control the way he feels...you should try to remember that. He just FEELS it. And every time you are saying this is childish and unimportant, you are probably telling him that HE is childish and unimportant. Would you want to hear that?
Try Listening to Him
My suggestion: I would suggest that you sit down with your guy and open your ears. LISTEN to him. Try to really hear what he's telling you, what bothers him and why he hasn't resolved this issue. Make HIM important. Make his feelings important. Validate everything he tells you. Don't react to it...just listen to him. You may be surprised that once he's felt you've really heard him, the issue may go away.
Good luck.Click here to see the full question & other panelists' responses.
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