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Has anyone turned rejection into a relationship?

Judith Answers:

Dear Looking for Stats,

Depends on Your Response

Charlie Your answer is fine if you set the line when you first ask a woman out on a date. But if she says it AFTER a romantic date, that's bad.

What was your response when you were told "I just want to be friends?" I don't have any statistics (I'm not sure how burning of an issue this is for social scientists but maybe you could check academic psychology/ sociology/ anthropology journals for data) but if YOU left it open, then there is still a possibility.

Examples:

Scenario 1: Buddy Mode

YOU: I really like you and would love to take you out sometime.

LOVE INTEREST: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, but think you are a GREAT friend.

YOU: All right then, we are friends. Don't you think so and so is really cute?

In Scenario 1, you have slipped immediately into buddy mode. Love interest thinks the doors to romance are closed and probably won't try to open them even if so inclined in the future.

Scenario 2: The Door Ajar

YOU: I really like you and would love to take you out sometime.

LOVE INTEREST: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, but think you are a GREAT friend.

Lefty Of course, there's always Scenario 3: what NOT to say if you want to leave it open.

YOU: I'm disappointed; I think you are a great person and think we would make a great couple. However, I value the time we spend together and don't want to sacrifice that - I think it is great that we can continue to have a relationship with each other.

Reader Jessie This is so true! It happened to me.

In Scenario 2, you have left the door slightly ajar. This gives the relationship an opportunity to develop more naturally, either into a friendship or maybe eventually into a relationship.

You Must Be Mature

Scenario 2 is much more difficult to pull off gracefully, however. And it takes a very mature person to get past any hurt egos to continue to pursue a relationship – you have to be secure, comfortable, and genuinely interested in the person for who they are rather than for the potential relationship you may have with them in the future.

How did you leave things?

Good luck.
Judith

 

 

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