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Do I choose my boring girlfriend or the babe?

Dear Panel,

My German babe came to the UK 2 weeks later and we had a great time... but sometimes I would think that it would have to end because I would get these feelings that I just wanted a cuddle from my girlfriend.

If I could take the best bits from each girl I would have the perfect woman, but I know that I have to make a choice because I cannot carry on like this.

Who goes?

– Steve

Male, age 27, London

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am from London (UK) 27 years old and a very confused salesman, which probably explaines why an idiot like me (being so fast in the talking department) could get envolved with 2 gorgeous women .

The German Babe

I am having an affair with a German girl, 23 years old and split with her boyfriend in November 2000 after he found a letter that she was writing to me. She is a wonderful person and now waits for me to decide between her or my girlfriend. She has a wonderful family, shares the same interest (baseball/softball) and she is the only other girl I have ever slept with (and she is unbelieveable in bed)!

My Boring Girlfriend

My girlfriend, who is 27, a teacher. She is beautiful and loving in a cuddly way but sexually and passionately she is like watching the news! Deep down she loves me very much but she did split with me 3 years ago and broke my heart but came back 2 months later when she realised that she had made a mistake. She is a very career minded person. She seems relluctant to get married and one of the most bizarre things is that I have only met her dad twice in ten years.

Jeannie I agree with him – you are a scum bag.

I think this is because she thinks he is looking for your graduate-type chap and I am just a scum bag salesman!?

How I Met My Girlfriend

MissyClar You just summed up your entire attitude toward women.

12 years ago a guy I knew was dating this chick (my girlfriend) and I have to say I had the hots for her the first day I saw her! A couple of years later we bumped into each other and she asked if I would come to her school dance. Trying to stay cool I agreed. We started dating through the next year and then she went to university. Believing that we were both in love we decided to give it a go regardless of distance and saw each other every 2 weeks and holidays for the next 4 years.

Our Breakup and Reunion

On graduating I believed that within a couple of years we would get a place together and get engaged but she was not interested in either, rusulting in some big arguments sometimes. After 2 years she decided that she did not love me any more! I was devastated but put on a brave face. 2 Months later she made contact and we dated again for a while, eventually getting fully back together after a surprise trip to Paris on Valentines day (what a slick sales move!)

How I Met the German Babe

At the end of that school year she changed schools and we found a flat together.
The following summer my baseball team took a trip to Holland to play in a tournament. Here I met a cute girl from Germany who was playing softball at this tournament. My best friend had the hots for her but she ignored him and kept after me. I could have done the dirty on my girlfriend then, but thought this would be wrong for my relationship and not very nice for my friend.

Equally Confused & Angry You're right, revenge is stupid. My boyfriend slept with the West Coast's biggest slut to retaliate against me.

For the next 8 months I was kicking myself for not making a move and decided that when we went to Dortmund (Germany) for our next tournament I would 'test' my love and also get a bit of revenge for my broken heart a few years earlier (which I know was a stupid thing to do on both counts). At the tournament we met again but were both very shy and on the last night there was a big party and we were drawn together like a magnet. After a quick exchange of spit at the end of the night we said goodnight. The day we flew back to the UK she arrived at the hotel and we kissed again briefly and said that we would write to each other.

I returned home feeling a bit guilty but excited to receive a letter from my German babe. I wrote to her the same night I returned home and we continued to write to each other for the next 4 months until we met at the tournament in Holland again. She drove all day from the Black Forrest just to come for 1 night to see me! That night we sat in a dugout until 4.30am making out and I never thought that a dugout could be so romantic! There was so much passion and after the lack of passion and sex in my current relationship, I felt like James Bond! Even though I desperately wanted to make love with her, we decided not to and the next day we said goodbye.

We Made Love for the First Time

On returning to the UK I was going crazy missing her and flew to Dortmund to see her 2 weeks later. It was so crazy but again I was drawn like a magnet and it was here that we mode love for the first time. After making love together I felt so guilty I was nearly physically sick. I could not believe what I had done! A month later she came to London with her friend and every day I was so nervous going to their hotel, wishing that the time would go faster and they could return home (at no point did we make love because they shared a room).

2 weeks later she came alone to London and I got so nervous I nearly packed her back to Germany the next day and asked my girlfriend to marry me! My best friend said to me to calm down and enjoy myself and we ended up having a wonderful time. This time we only left the hotel once and sexually I had just taken a weekend tour of the galaxy! Christmas passed quickly and in the new year I went with my friend to Germany and had a great time with my babe and her best friend. No nerves this time and I came back believing that it might be over with my girlfriend.

My Girlfriend and I Start To Drift Apart

Things at home were getting very stale, my girlfriend and I spending hardly any time together and starting to drift apart. 2 weeks after my last trip I went back to Germany but at the last minute panicked and cancelled believing that I could not keep doing this to my girlfriend anymore, my insides wear ripping apart with guilt, worry and anxiety.

My babe was devastated and after speaking to her on the telephone I felt so bad and still missed her so much that I jumped on another plane the next day! On the boarding the plane I had such a panic attack I asked the pilot if I could get off but it was too late. We flew to Germany and I thought that I would let my babe down gently and say that my girlfriend wanted to get married and I needed time to get my head straight. After telling her this I offered to stay in a hotel but she asked me to stay with her family. We talked for hours and I don't think I have cried so much in my life! We discussed the problem and she was so understanding, saying that I should marry my girlfriend but I did not want to say goodbye to my babe. We kept saying it was wrong to make love but every time we went near each other we ended up in bed!

I Told My Girlfriend I Didn't Know If I Loved Her Anymore

On returning home (in tears most of the way) I felt that now I would start to cool off with my girlfriend and also decided to let things cool off with my babe as well, giving me time to get my head straight. On Valentine's Day this year I took my girlfriend to dinner but found myself so removed from her emotionaly and physically I ended up telling her that I did not know if I loved her anymore (great timing) after some tears we talked and I explained that the lack of passion and sex in our relationship meant that I had backed off so much to avoid arguments about it, it had made me very distant.

We agreed to see how things went as we have been together 10 years this summer and did not want to throw it all away. My German babe came to the UK 2 weeks later and we had a great time, no nerves, but sometimes I would think that it would have to end because I would get these feelings that I just wanted a cuddle from my girlfriend. When we said goodbye at the airport I was still as confused as ever.

Today I was going to fly to Germany again but again was so nervous I said that I could not get a flight. I thought to myself that this has to stop and thankfuly my babe held things together but was still very sad. Tonight I sit here thinking that I have done the right thing and also missing her like crazy! My girlfriend is a babe and we have a very deep relationship but do not share the same interests and our relationship lacks passion and our sex life is non existent. This is not a matter of being in a relationship for so long, it has been like this since the beginning, in fact we have had so many arguments about it I am surprised we have been together so long! I guess I have just taught myself to live with it? But I also guess that the fact I ever looked elsewhere, after damning others so much for doing so, must mean that deep down I cannot take it!?

I Can't Decide

Jeannie What makes you think that the perfect woman exists?

I am so confused I don't know what to do! If I could take the best bits from each girl I would have the perfect woman, but I know that I have to make a choice because I cannot carry on like this. Emotionaly I feel on the brink of a breakdown but I cannot say goodbye to either of them. I suppose it would be easier to say goodbye to my German babe but I worry about what I might be losing because I will never stray again (I have learnt my lesson) so I will have to accept my girlfriend for her faults. I know I have been a complete scum bag but I have to make a descision and it's killing me!

I can't belive that I even write to complete strangers now for help! Confused? You will be! On the next edition of 'Me and my crazy life'. If you can squeeze this into a paragraph on your website I will be trully amazed!

Who goes?

– Steve

Male, age 27, London

Jeannie, Jimmy, Mo, and Mr. Survivor answer this question.



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