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Should I share my renewed feelings with him?

Dear Panel,

...Our weekend ended on what I thought was a good note, with mentions of calling one another soon, etc. Now only a few days after our encounter, we have only spoken once. It seems that all the momentum and effort he had previously put into it in the past few weeks, is dwindling...

– confused...

Female, age 21, Midwest

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

Four years ago, I was set up on a blind date by a friend, to go out with her then fiancé's best friend.

Our Special Connection

We met, and it was an instant attraction. It seemed we always have above-average conversation/communication. We both enjoyed talking and listening to each other. From the moment we met it seemed we had a special connection.

We Drifted Apart

In the next couple of months that followed, we only saw each other 2 more times and only for a couple days at a time. Phone calls continued on almost everyday for those couple of months, and then just drifted off. I knew at the beginning there was definite interest on both sides, but I never knew his true feelings and I never had a chance to completely share my strong feelings toward him.

At that time, I just assumed it wasn't meant to be since we lived a few hours away from each other, and I just continued on with my life. After that, he would contact me every so often just to update me on what was going on in his life and find out what was going on in mine. There was at least a year that went on without contact.

He Asks About Proposing to His Girlfriend

Then out of the blue last year, he contacted me to tell me that he was thinking about getting engaged to his then girlfriend (of 2 years). It seemed he needed my opinion before he decided. I really didn't know how to react, I was both disappointed and happy for him that he was considering getting married. I was also happy in my own long term relationship at the time, so I just continued to live my life.

Both Happily Single

Once again, out of the blue, a few weeks ago (a year after I had talked to him last), he tracked me down and gave me a call. I expected that he had already gotten married. I came to find out that he broke off his engagement 2 months ago and that we are both happily single right now. We had an interesting long conversation and his phone calls continued in the past couple weeks, and we eventually made plans to get together for a weekend.

Starting Where We Left Off

I really didn't know what to expect. I set my expectations low, since I was fine with us just being friends. As we got together for that weekend, it was quite apparent that those feelings that had been there 4 years ago were still there on both sides. It was as if we started up again right where we left off – as if nothing had happened in the past four years to make it any different. His strong emotions towards me seemed to be evident during the time we spent together.

His Momentum Is Dwindling

Our weekend ended on what I thought was a good note, with mentions of calling one another soon, etc. Now only a few days after our encounter, we have only spoken once. It seems that all the momentum and effort he had previously put into it in the past few weeks, is dwindling.

I am so confused. Was that just a fling?

Am I just paranoid, after what has happened between us in the past?

Should I share my renewed feelings with him?

Is there any way I can find out if he is really serious about the situation and if it is actually going to amount to something this time?

I just think that we have something special and I don't want to watch him drift away from me again.

– confused...

Female, age 21, Midwest

 

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