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Do I call it off if I am unsure of my love for him?

Dear Panel,

...I have loved him and have been in love with him on and off, but as the wedding gets closer, my feelings are getting more and more indifferent to the point that I'm now scared and an inner voice is saying things like I don't even want to get married, and I that I don't even love him! The voices taunt me all day and I feel guilt every time he says he loves me...

-- Lovetorn

Female, age 36, Texas

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I'm hoping you can help me. I'm engaged to this great, wonderful guy who has treated me better than any other man in my life, and we're set to be married soon.

Lovetorn I Told him I Was Tired of Noncommittal Men

Reader Linda

You need to lower your expectations.

But he proposed after we had only dated for about 3 months. It was I who sent him messages at first that I was tired of noncommittal men and then he responded that way, by proposing. It shocked me and I said yes also because at the time I loved him and knew how good he was for me, and how I felt I had finally found a man I could trust.

I have loved him and have been in love with him on and off, but as the wedding gets closer, my feelings are getting more and more indifferent to the point that I'm now scared and an inner voice is saying things like I don't even want to get married, and I that I don't even love him! The voices taunt me all day and I feel guilt every time he says he loves me.

I feel horrified of these feelings, as the wedding is pretty much set. When I force an answer out of myself about whether I love him, I come up with an "I don't know." I don't know if this is just nerves, being burned from a previous marriage to a non committal guy or what.

And I do still think with my head that he's the best I've ever had, and that if I go through with it, things will end up great. That is, unless these feelings don't go away, and they get worse.

He's made it clear he'll be committed to me. I've been burned before, and find it hard to believe, but in a way, I do believe him. In a way, he's what I need, so I find myself going thru with it. And I know that I will be good to him if we do end up going thru with it.

I've tried to air my feelings to him tenderly, but he seems to be blinded by wanting me and I guess he's in love and doesn't want to hear it. I feel guilt that I'm not giving this man what he fully deserves. Am I?

Bottom line is, I know he's great for me, and I do care for him, and I just CANT bring myself to call it off. What can I do?????? help! I find myself plodding along with all the wedding plans, and all the work has been done well, even in such a short engagement time. Our wedding is just days away.

Help!

-- Lovetorn

Female, age 36, Texas

Brad & Heather, Mare, and Patra answer this question.

 

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