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What do I do with an Ex who uses me?

Dear Panel,

...it is so difficult to let go of him because I felt I gave up so much for him and since he was my first for a lot of things. After six months, he broke up with me for someone else, but it didn't last too long. It's been a year and we are still friends, but he wants something more. He still wants to have sex with me even though he doesn't want a relationship...

-- NS

Female, age 22, Canada

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am 22-year-old female that tends to become very dependent on others.

Mark is very outgoing and immature and can't seem to make up his mind.

I started seeing him last year and in the beginning Mark was really sweet and even thought that I was the one.

Like a lot of guys, he was really into having sex, and knowing that I was a virgin, he waited for a bit until we started having intercourse.

Big mistake.

He Only Visits When I'm Alone

He would only come to my place if no one around my house was home so we could engage in sexual activities. If they were there, he wouldn't bother, and I would get hurt. He couldn't commit to me and during the relationship I kept pressuring him and I tend to have gotten easily jealous and upset. Since he was so outgoing and spent a lot of time at the bars and with his friends, constantly talking about other girls.

He Still Wants Sex After We Break Up

But it is so difficult to let go of him because I felt I gave up so much for him and since he was my first for a lot of things. After six months, he broke up with me for someone else, but it didn't last too long.

He Doesn't Want Me To Pressure Him

Bailey

Holy cow! You're not putting pressure on him.

It's been a year and we are still friends but he wants something more, he still wants to have sex with me even though he doesn't want a relationship, telling me that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore or he doesn't want all that pressure I put on him.

I Can't Let Go

I can't have sex with him or anything else because I know he will drop me if someone else come along leaving me again devastated.

Rick

He's using this belief to manipulate you.

But I can't seem to let go, we do connect really well as friends but I feel the only way I can keep him is if I give into his sexual desires. He tells me that he still cares about me because I'm sweet and pure, unlike other girls, and he also gets jealous about other guys. I feel like this is some control thing, like he still has control over me and feels he can do or say anything to me and I'II always be here. But sex seems to be number one to him before anything else in a relationship. It also seems like he wants to keep me on the backburner until someone come along and then he won't need me anymore.

Please tell me what you think and what I should do???

-- NS

Female, age 22, Canada

Bailey, Jimmy, Rick, and Patra answer this question.

 

 

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