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How do I deal with my parents rejecting him?

Dear Panel,

...If I like a guy very much and intuitively feel that there is something more to those feelings, but I know it will deeply hurt my parents because of their mindset which I don't agree with, should I express my feelings...?

-- Worrier

Female, age 23, India

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a 23-year old girl in love with a 25-year old guy who is also a colleague. He reciprocates my feelings, too.

My Family Has Arranged Marriages

The problem is my parents are very conservative (our family has more of arranged marriages).The boy is not of our community and though we share the same religion, he and his folks eat non-vegetarian food and we are strict vegetarians.That is the main cause of objection from my parents. On top of that, they feel he is lesser-educated than I am (though we both are graduates. I am engineer and he isn't, and engineering is highly-respected as compared to ordinary degrees here).

They felt very shocked, cheated and hurt when I told them about it. My father asked me to stop the whole thing at once. I said "Yes, I would stop chatting with him" (he is away, so we chat on the 'Net), but I really did not want to.

The Issue Affects My Father's Health

For a while, I stopped chatting with him and explained the whole situation to him. Later on, again, I have started chatting with him. I feel guilty about cheating my parents, but ideally, I want them to be convinced about the guy. I am afraid to open up to them again about the issue because my father gets so excited and angry that I feel it may affect his health severely, even possibly a heart attack.

I personally believe that true love should be allowed to flourish, irrespective of cultural differences and family background,etc.

I have discussed the points of difference with him and he is ready to adjust. Both of us feel really committed to each other.

Should I Tell My Parents I Love Him?

I have certain questions in my mind that are nagging me all the while. If I like a guy very much and intuitively feel that there is something more to those feelings, but I know it will deeply hurt my parents because of their mindset which I don't agree with, should I express my feelings?

Should I Lose My Guy?

The fear of losing the guy really eats me. Worse still, my parents come to know of it, and they tell me to stop all contacts with him, and I agree because I have no other choice as I do not want to upset them to the point where their health gets affected, but at the back of my mind, I am feeling very bad about it?

Convincing my parents may take years, but in the meantime, if I lose the guy, I would really feel sorry that I could not even tell him and I have a fear that the feelings for him that are still in my heart would not allow me to get into another relationship with an open mind.

Worse still, even if I say "Yes" to some other person, but later on feel that I still feel very strongly for this guy, I would feel very guilty.

What should I do in such a situation?

-- Worrier

Female, age 23, India

Shaggy, Luka, and KP answer this question.

 

 

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