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Do I tell my boyfriend that his ex is a slut?

Dear Panel,

...My boyfriend doesn't know it, but I know his ex-girlfriend. She has a well-earned reputation for being a slut and a cheater, and has been with tons of guys.

...I want him to get tested for STDs, but I don't know how to bring it up.

-- Arianna

Female, age 19, Florida

[read the entire question below]

Mel
Lani
Bailey

Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We've spent about half of it apart because he's going to school in a different state.

We haven't had sex, although we've been really close.

A few weeks into our relationship, we discussed past sexual experiences. He has had one.

My boyfriend doesn't know it, but I know his ex-girlfriend. She has a well-earned reputation for being a slut and a cheater, and has been with tons of guys. (My boyfriend is originally from another state and had no idea. In fact, she told him she was a virgin. I almost died when I heard that.)

At the time we had the talk, my boyfriend was really upset, so I dropped the subject.

We've fooled around a lot, and from some of the comments my boyfriend made LATER, I think he doesn't like using protection, i.e. condoms. (She was on the Pill and he thought she was a virgin. He thought he had nothing to worry about.) It makes me sick thinking about it. I had no clue.

What it all comes down to is this: I want him to get tested for STDs, but I don't know how to bring it up.

My boyfriend will be visiting me in a couple of weeks.

Should I:

  1. Ask him over the phone now?
  2. Ask him in person next time I see him?
  3. Not bother unless we're engaged or something? We have a pretty serious relationship.

When I ask, how should I go about doing it? I know he'll be very uncomfortable and upset. If I bring up the ex-girlfriend, he'll think I was spying. I wasn't, I just knew beforehand and didn't want to hurt him. He would be horrified if he knew that she was like that.

I know I should have asked in the beginning, but he was just SO UPSET and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Now, it's kind of late into the relationship to bring this up, but I have to.

I thought about saying, "You've always used condoms in the past, right?" Just asking from left field. What do you think? Do you have any better ideas?

Thanks!

-- Arianna

Female, age 19, Florida

Mel, Lani, and Bailey answer this question.

 

 

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