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Do you know immediately if it's true love?

Dear Panel,

...he said he felt that you usually know right away if you love someone and that determines if you will develop deep love later on. He also stated that since he did not have that intense feeling immediately with me, that it would likely not happen...

-- Louise

Female, age 25, Northwest USA

[read the entire question below]


Dear Panel,

I have been with a man for about 4 months and we have a wonderful time together doing everything from camping to seeing plays. We get along great, are very lovey and unafraid to act that way in public and spend at least 4 nights a week together. My friends and family think he's great and his friends have even started inviting me over, we get along so well.

After the Sept. 11th tragedies, I felt the need to "clean house" emotionally and told him that, though the relationship was going great and I cared for him a great deal, I did not believe I was truly in love at the time.

I asked his opinion and he agreed, stating he was not in love with me either. We talked about it for awhile and he stressed the fact that he did not want to break up because he felt unsure and that he felt he would be missing a great opportunity with me.

The one thing that really bothers me about this exchange (it did get a little heated) was that he said he felt that you usually know right away if you love someone and that determines if you will develop deep love later on. He also stated that since he did not have that intense feeling immediately with me, that it would likely not happen.

I became angry and asked why we didn't just end it there if he thought there was no future?

He got a little panicky and asked, "What if I'm wrong?"

I think he is confused and know that he has never been in a relationship longer than 2-3 months.

Is this worth pursuing?

-- Louise

Female, age 25, Northwest USA

 

Kalia, Charlie, and Annie answer this question.

 

 

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