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Does he want me or does he just want sex?

Dear Panel,

...he hasn't wanted to be with me alone. He always needs our mutual friend over, or he wants to go to her house whenever we are alone. He really confuses me about his feelings.

-- Extremely Confused

Female, age 17, Midwest

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a pretty attractive 17-year-old junior in high school. However, I am very shy. I have been dating this guy for 2 years on and off.

The other main person is my boyfriend of 2 years. We'll call him T. He's 18 and just out of high school. He's very sweet, sensitive, and kind to me.

My Boyfriend "T" Always Broke Up with Me

T broke up with me a lot throughout our relationship, but he always came back to me. He said that he was stupid and that he needed me. I went along with it. Throughout our relationship I never once had sex with him. I don't really think that actually affected our relationship. I think I found one of a few good guys left. However, here's the twist. T told me the last time we broke up that he needed to be free because he couldn't do things his single friends could.

I Had Drunken Sex with "E"

(Then) last March I went to a party where E was. E is about my age. I became extremely intoxicated within 2 hours. The next thing I remember we were in a bedroom at the party and he was having intercourse with me. I told him at that point that I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this but it was like he wasn't listening to me. He ended up finishing having sex with me.

I Had Sex with "RP"

The next person we'll call RP. RP is 21 with an off-and-on girlfriend and 3 kids. A couple of mutual friends and I stayed at his place one night. I was extremely naive (probably still am) and after they went to bed, I went to his room. He straight out told me he didn't want to do anything that I didn't, but by the things he was saying he made me feel like I had to, and I hate to admit this, but I ended up sleeping with him also.

I Had Sex with "RH"

The third guy we'll call RH. RH, to make a long story short, asked! me out and I ended up saying yes. We only dated for about a month, but yes, I ended up sleeping with him twice.

I know you're all probably thinking I'm a slut, but I cannot stand up for myself at all.

After I broke up with RH, I slept with RP because he made me feel as though once again I owed it to him.

I Slept with Them After Breakups with "T"

It took me a long, hard lesson, but I finally know different. All these guys happened when right after my boyfriend broke up with me. I guess I felt in a way that I needed someone to need me.

However he (T, my boyfriend) came back to me – again.

We have been together this time so far for almost 2 months now. The other night for the first time we started to really fool around and I think he was trying to have sex with me.

His hands traveled places I didn't want them to, but I managed to keep them from the waist up for that 2 hours. He has told me he loves me and I know this is true because he just recently told me for the first time about a month ago for this whole 2 year period.

After we were done messing around, he told me he loved me – which I found to be extremely sweet.

He Doesn't Want To Be Alone with Me

However, since then he hasn't wanted to be with me alone. He always needs our mutual friend over, or he wants to go to her house whenever we are alone. He really confuses me about his feelings.

Does T really want to be with me, or does he just want sex?

-- Extremely Confused

Female, age 17, Midwest

Hallie, Buddy, Foxy, and Bailey answer this question.

 

 

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