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How do I deal with a failed ultimatum?

Dear Panel,

The first year of our relationship was a bit rocky. I found out that he was going on other dates or chatting online to other girls... I told him it was either he give me his all, or we we are through... On Saturday he was online and someone started chatting with him and it freaked me out.

How do I bury the hatchet so I can move on and have a healthy relationship with him? I love him to death and cannot imagine life without him.

-- Lovestruck

Female, age 24, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a 24-year-old female, 1st grade teacher, and I have always been insecure when it comes to love. He is 33 years old, my fiancee as of last week. He is a hard working engineer who is romantic, sincere, and loving (not to mention easy going). When he proposed he cried, it was so amazing.

We Met Online

We met on a Christian matchmaker site three years ago. We had a blind date and hit it off. The first year of our relationship was a bit rocky. I found out that he was going on other dates or chatting online to other girls. He wanted to make sure that I was the one for him but did not want to hurt me by letting me know he was testing the waters.

I Gave Him An Ultimatum

Well two years ago come March I had it out with him. I told him it was either he give me his all or we we are through. An ultimatum I know, but I couldn't stand being one of many dates in his life. Well he chose me and we got engaged for our third year anniversary. We set the date for July 27, 2002.

We Live Together, But I Want to Move Out

The problem is this, I love him to death and I know that he feels the same way. We have been sharing his house (different bedrooms, not sleeping together, hey, we are both strong Catholics) for almost two years now. I told him that when we got engaged I wanted to move back into my parents house to have a newness to the situation when we get married!

On Saturday he was online and someone started chatting with him and it freaked me out. It brought back a rush of feelings of distrust and jealously and hurt that I thought I had buried.

I talked to him about it and he said we can work through this together, that he will do what it takes to gain my trust, even not chatting. I feel like I do not want to move back home because of this, I want to be around him. When he gets bored he stays on the computer for hours.

I Want To Bury the Hatchet

I know it is not healthy to carry these feelings about my future husband so my real question is this. How do I bury the hatchet so I can move on and have a healthy relationship with him? I love him to death and cannot imagine life without him. Please help me get past this issue. Thank you so much.

-- Lovestruck

Female, age 24, USA

Jimmy, KP, and Brad & Heather, answer this question.

 

 

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