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Do I try and locate her if they say she's dead?

Dear Panel,

If she's alive as this evidence points to, should I still let things go? Obviously, if she were alive, she must have had reasons to fake her death to me. Maybe there's something I haven't thought of. What would you do in this situation?

-- Wounded Karma

Male, age 25, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

One of the important points of this "story" is that I'm not anyone's ideal man. Without going into details, I have nothing to give a woman except maybe companionship and love. I doubt I do/did/could do either very well. I live in the United States.

Missy (fictitious name) lives (lived? It'll make sense in a moment) in another country. She speaks three or four exotic languages. She loved drama and spent her summers doing acting workshops and putting on plays. Her parents were very strict and unfortunately, she wouldn't or couldn't break from their grip. For all intents and purposes she was a normal woman, with a real future.

She Has a Very Distinctive Name

By the way, her real name is very distinctive. I've yet to find another person with the same name. As you read the following you'll understand that I've looked, and looked hard. Mike is Missy's friend. Lucky, is her brother. This is all true, except for the fake names, to my knowledge. I'm not sure how it will sound to others, it's why I'm writing.

We Fell In Love

I met a woman online two years ago. We wrote constant e-mails for the next year and a half. I was in love with her and I really thought she loved me. We wrote over 300 e-mails and she did say that she loved me.

They Told Me She Died

In June 2001, I was told by Mike and Lucky that she was dead. They said she was killed by a grenade type device. I didn't believe it. I think denial is one of those stages of grief.
It didn't make any sense. In the entire time I knew her she had been: in a car accident, hit by a car while walking (to a drama workshop), stabbed by a mugger and finally killed by shrapnel from a bomb. (Both times that involved the car, she was in a coma for days).

I think any sane person would say,"duh it's not true, all of that couldn't happen to the same person in one year." But I was forced to believe she was dead because I can not believe she would have lied to me and put on a charade that she was dead. I'm sorry this has been so long, the question is coming soon.

I Looked For Proof

The day I heard the news, I spent 8 plus hours looking for some news about the explosion. About the murders. ANYTHING that would be proof. She lives in a country where the news is spotty at best. I still don't believe though, that an explosion that killed 4 people would not be reported.

A month later, I was actually able to stop crying. But from then on, I would check the web through search engines for proof that she is either alive or dead.

I Saw Her Name In An Article

Today I found something which is what prompted me to seek out advice from others. I found an article (in her native language, which is very hard to get translated) which said her name. Remember, her real name is very distinctive. In all my searching for information about her, I was never thrown off track by other people with the same name. It's a blessing almost, that it is so distinctive.

The article was about a theater group that had put on a play in December and the following few months. In it is stated clearly, her name. The date, which I couldn't believe, was stated in the web url, December 18, 2001. I went so far as to find a program to translate the page for me and it does not speak of her being deceased.

I'm Not Sure If She's Really Dead

I'm confused. I don't know what I should do. If she's dead and the article is mistaken, or I've somehow made a mistake and I write to her old e-mail address, or her brother or friend and bring it all up again, not only will I have hurt two people she cared about but I will feel, and be, a fool.

If she's alive as this evidence points to, should I still let things go? Obviously, if she were alive, she must have had reasons to fake her death to me. Maybe there's something I haven't thought of. What would you do in this situation?

-- Wounded Karma

Male, age 25, USA

Jennae, Shaggy, and Tommy D answer this question.

 

 

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