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How can I win his trust back?

Dear Panel,

Everything was fine until he found out that I lied about something in the relationship, which I feel was not that important or significant to either of us. It was the only thing I've ever lied to him about, and at this point I regret doing it.

I am 20 and he is 28. Could that age difference been part of the problem with us, or is he just really neurotic?

-- Girl on Rebound

Female, age 20, San Francisco

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

My boyfriend of over a year and I just broke up two weeks ago. Everything was fine until he found out that I lied about something in the relationship, which I feel was not that important or significant to either of us. It was the only thing I've ever lied to him about, and at this point I regret doing it.

I Lied To Him

His trust with people is very fragile in general, and it took him a long time to trust me, so the day he discovered I lied (by going through my things when I wasn't home) he broke up with me and said I ruined his trust, and that I threw our past 15 months down the drain.

But He's Lied To Me

He lied to me twice about something and when I caught him, I did not get angry because I felt it wasn't relevant to our relationship at the time, when when he caught me he completely exploded and lost complete control.

He Gave Me A Speech

So the other day I called him to offer my friendship to him, and he said to me "If you want to be my friend, you must prove to me your trust worthy. You must always be honest about everything and anything that we talk about. Maybe if be both learn from our mistakes, and try to become better people, everything will work out in the end."

After a year and a half together I cannot believe he spoke this way to me. I feel humiliated and I feel like his tone was patronizing. He doesn't understand that everyone occasionally lies, and he still insists he's perfect and that he doesn't, although I caught him twice. He seems to rationalize everything.

We Are 8 Years Apart

I am 20 and he is 28. Could that age difference been part of the problem with us, or is he just really neurotic?

Should I interpret his comments as "Back off, and maybe one day we will talk again?" Please help me read this guy. What would be the healthiest thing to do next? I will say that I miss him a lot.

-- Girl on Rebound

Female, age 20, San Francisco

Aaron, Diva, and Luka answer this question.

 

 

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