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Do I stay with a man who cannot commit?

Dear Panel,

They have three kids together. They're divorced, but he still cannot seem to forget her...

He told me he had very strong feelings for me, but he still thinks about having his family back...

What is your opinion on this?

-- Chauncey

Female, age 32, California

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I really need some advice! I have dated a man off and on for about two years. The problem is he was married for 16 years and his wife left him for another man! OUCH!

He's Divorced With Three Kids

They have three kids together. They divorced, but he still cannot seem to forget her! When we first started dating I knew his situation (heartbroken), and I was in a similiar situation. I had dated a man for 5 years, when he decided he wanted another girl! So, my intentions were to just have fun and take my mind off my ex.

Be Broke Up, But Still Had Booty Calls

We dated for a while, broke-up, got back together, broke-up. Then we were just friends for a while, because I told him I could not handle his emotional instability. Then, like a fool, I started having sex with him, non-dating, just booty calls, which made me feel very insecure and cheap.

We Got Back Together

I wrote him a letter and told him I could not continue to be his friend or his lover because I was hurting. In reply, he begged me for another chance, saying that he was just scared and that he did not want to lose me. So again, like a fool, I went back.

His Ex-Wife Called

Everything was great, for a while. Then one day his ex-wife left a message on his answering machine to wish him a happy-what would have been their 18th anniversary. I know, how thoughtful of her, right?

He did not know that I had heard the message, I did not try to delete it or anything. So I acted like I knew nothing, as he became more distant by the hour. So I confronted him about his quietness. He told me the truth, and I asked him what he wanted. He told me he had very strong feelings for me, but he still thought about having his family back! JERK!

We Broke Up Again

Now really I can kind of understand, but I am in love with him. It is so unfair! I told him I could not continue to see him because I felt like I was being strung along. He told me he did not want it to be over, but he understood. Yeah right!

A week passed by and I was heartbroken. I found out he and his ex had gone out, but I also found out that she told him she did not want to date anyone. And that he should go on with his life. Is she confusing or what?

I Went Home With Him Again!

She also told him that they could possibly get together sometime! She pulls him along and he is so stupid! Then I saw him out at a party and he held on to me he said he missed me. I went home with him! I keep making the same stupid mistake.

He calls from time to time but mostly when he is lonely. I know he cannot commit to me. I do not know how to tell him "no". Well, I do know how, I am just not sure I want to.

What is your opinion on this?

-- Chauncey

Female, age 32, California

Reese, Stephanie, and Noel answer this question.

 

 

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