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He's getting married, should I dump him?

Dear Panel,

The purpose of the marriage is so that this foreign girl can come to Canada legally, and in turn he would get money out of it.

I'm upset that he made the promise without my consent, and to this day he still has not told me about this, for whatever reason I don't know.

My main concern now is if I should disregard what has been said, and continue on with the relationship being being aware of the facts I've heard, or should I end this relationship immediately?

-- Confused

Female, age 20, Vancouver

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am 20-years-old and have been in a committed relationship for 9 months now and very happily, might I add. Mike, who is 24-years-old, is trying to make a living here in Vancouver to be with his friends and to be with me.

The Network Of Friends

Mike, has a best friend whom he's very loyal to, named Bob. Bob's girlfriend Jen, is also my friend and is a cousin of my best friend, Lisa. All of these people, I consider loyal and trustworthy people.

I Found Out He's Getting Married

I had recently found out from my best friend Lisa, who had found out from her cousin Jen, who had also found out from her boyfriend Bob, who happens to be my boyfriend's best friend... that Mike had told Bob he took an offer from his boss, which involved going overseas to a foreign country to marry a girl, in turn for a rather large sum of money.

The purpose of the marriage is so that this allows the foreign girl to come to Canada legally, and in turn he would get money out of it.

He's Never Mentioned It To Me

I'm upset that he made the promise without my consent, and to this day he still has not told me about this, for whatever reason I don't know.

His Friends Think He's Not Ready For A Relationship

Another thing is that Bob has also told Jen that he thinks Mike and I wouldn't last long because he feels that Mike is "not ready" for a long term relationship. Which I think, really means he still wants to play the field.

We have had several issues regarding this "not ready" topic in the past, but have been able to overcome it. Although I still fear everyday that him being not ready will end our relationship any day.

Confronting Him Would Cause Complete Chaos

Now, normally of course this problem would be easily solved by confronting Mike about what I've heard. However, all the information I've been told from Lisa is meant to be classified and not to be mentioned to Mike, otherwise it will definitely cause a chaos and possibly end a few relationships just because of that.

Now I don't intend on spilling this to Mike because I've promised Lisa, but how do I go about resolving this issue without telling him what I've heard? I've spoke to him on the same night to ask him how he felt about our relationship, and we both agreed that things have been going exceptionally well for the past while.

Should I End It?

My main concern now is if I should disregard what has been said, and continue on with the relationship being being aware of the facts I've heard, or should I end this relationship immediately? My explanation for ending the relationship would be that I feel he is not ready to be with me yet, and that I think we should go our separate ways. Or else there another solution to this?

Should I end the relationship based on what my friends are telling me?

-- Confused

Female, age 20, Vancouver

Bailey, Indigo, and Shaggy answer this question.

 

 

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