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Why do I feel rejected when we're apart?

Dear Panel,

When he wants to see a friend (male), I become extremely jealous and upset. It is not that I don't trust him (I know he wont do anything I would consider bad).

Please help me overcome this feeling of rejection.

-- Heather

Female, age 20, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I'm Controlling

I am extremely controlling and jealous. I am a college student, and have no friends or extracurricular activities. In high school, I was popular, a cheerleader, and in the choir.

My fiancé's name is David. He is also in college. He has two close male friends. He is supportive of my faults, but cannot help because he does not know how to deal with them.

We're Engaged

David and I were friends in high school, where we were both popular and involved in several activities. We are now both 20, and have been together for four years. We recently became engaged. We spend 95% percent of our free time together, and we both enjoy the time we spend.

I Get Upset When He Sees His Friend

However, when he wants to see a friend (male), I become extremely jealous and upset. It is not that I don't trust him (I know he wont do anything I would consider bad), it's that I am upset that he doesn't want to be with me. He only wants to see his friend/s about once a week, for a limited amount of time, but I still get upset. I feel like he is choosing his friend over me, which makes me feel rejected and unloved.

Also, I have asked him why I can't do things with his friend and him. He says, "Sometimes I feel like spending time alone with him, mainly because I know that's how he feels."

I Feel Like He Loves Me Less

This is all extremely legitimate, so why do I feel neglected? If I want to spend all of my time with him, why doesn't he want to spend his with me? I feel like he loves me less than I love him. He tells me to go out and get some friends, but the truth is, I don't want to. I am perfectly content either with him, my family, or by myself.

Please help me overcome this feeling of rejection.

-- Heather

Female, age 20, USA

Indigo, Reese, and Bodacious answer this question.

 

 

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