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Dear Panel,

Now, as you might imagine, the whole situation has me a little on edge right now. I have absolutely no plans to get involved with Jerry. However, Jerry's support and help has been extremely wonderful, and I don't like the idea of having to give up that support because I may be starting down a path that isn't right for either of us.

How can I find balance in this situation?

-- She Who Never Learns

Female, age 28, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a single woman in her late twenties living on her own. "Jerry" is a married man in his late thirties.

We Met At Work

I met "Jerry" at work. I met him as I was going through a difficult adjustment to a new position, and he quickly became very supportive of me. I have found his support to be very helpful and I am grateful for it.

We Hang Out A Lot

Jerry and I have become closer friends in the past few months, and now spend a lot of time together at work, eating lunch, going to the gym, and even just grabbing each other for quick discussions throughout the day. Which is where my concerns begin.

We're Both Getting Interested

I have noticed that I'm starting to develop feelings for Jerry, which has left me a little unfocused at work recently. And I think that he is interested in me, based on some comments he's made or the way that he looks at me sometimes. I'm sure that doesn't sound like hard concrete evidence, but have you ever been in a situation and just had a "feeling" about it? That's kind of what I'm going through here, and from experience I've grown to trust my gut feelings.

Now, as you might imagine, the whole situation has me a little on edge right now. I have absolutely no plans to get involved with Jerry. However, Jerry's support and help has been extremely wonderful, and I don't like the idea of having to give up that support because I may be starting down a path that isn't right for either of us.

I'm trying to balance the situation by making sure that Jerry always talks about his family when he's around me. But Jerry keeps extending himself to me, and I don't want to be unnecessarily rude by declining offers that I would readily accept from other co-workers (aka rides home, meals out) that I didn't have this "feeling" about.

I'm really not certain what to do here, and would appreciate any outside views on the situation. How can I find balance in this situation?

-- She Who Never Learns

Female, age 28, USA

Gillian, Luka, and Jimmy answer this question.

 

 

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