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Dear Panel,

So I decided (perhaps poorly) to monitor her e-mail through an online program. As it turns out, she's a huge flirt online...

I'm trying to work on our relationship and build trust and love, but how can I after what I've done?

-- Bob

Male, age 28, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a single guy in his late 20's. She is a single girl in her late 20's. The other person is a guy onilne.

I've Been Hurt In The Past

I am a jealous person. I've diagnosed myself this way and it at the very least stems from my first love (10 years ago) cheating on me repeatedly. I didn't used to be jealous about relationships, but the first one really ruined it for me.

I met this really great girl about 2 years ago but lately things have been stressful for her. I accidentally found an e-mail from this guy in her 'guild' on an online game that expressed how much he felt about her, and thinking she feels the same way. He asked her to call him and they could 'virtual snuggle'.

I Confronted Her, Kind Of

Well, since I don't snoop around on people I'm involved with, I didn't say anything directly but I did ask her about it, and she didn't admit to much. She said that she wasn't interested in him, that she didn't THINK he was interested in her (an obvious lie) and that I'm just jealous. I am.

So I decided (perhaps poorly) to monitor her e-mail through an online program. As it turns out, she's a huge flirt online but never makes more than tongue in cheek sexual references (or more precisely, responds to them).

So I've figured out my girlfriend of over 2 years is a flirt, she doesn't allow him to call her (because of guilt and that she cares about me) but continues to have an online flirtation (romance?) with this fellow.

I Want To Rebuild Trust

Help me! I need some advice as I've broken our trust with this monitoring but she won't tell me the whole truth because I'm obsessed about the whole thing (or perhaps she wouldn't anyways). She says she loves me and has never cheated on anyone before and I do believe her but I think this might be a first for her if things go sour.

I'm trying to work on our relationship and build trust and love, but how can I after what I've done? What can I do to fix this problem and remain in a relationship with the one I love?

-- Bob

Male, age 28, USA

Jennae, Spanky, and Java answer this question.

 

 

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