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Dear Panel,

I love Tom, but I feel stressed about marrying him. I feel that in my head I love him but in my heart, I've never felt the kind of love I've felt for an old high school boyfriend (Jeff)...

Do I get married without that 'soul mate' feeling that I always wanted?

-- Mary

Female, age 31, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am 31-years-old, worried about the biological clock, dating and practically living with Tom, my boyfriend of 6 years, who is also my business partner of 4 years. I'm very successful in my career thanks to my own hard work and mutual support from my boyfriend.

Tom has wanted to marry me for the last 4 years of our relationship. He is warm, loving, hard working, faithful, an exceptional listener and great lover.

The Thought Of Marrying Him Stresses Me

I love Tom, but feel stressed about marrying him. I feel that in my head I love him but in my heart, I've never felt the kind of love I've felt for an old high school boyfriend (Jeff).

Which, I know sounds really sad. When I think of walking down the isle to him, I feel
stressed and sad that he does not create 'the one true soul mate' feelings I've had for Jeff. (Jeff ended things with me, and when he wanted me back I wouldn't 'allow' myself to return to him out of foolish pride.)

My Friends Are Pressuring Me

Jeff is happily married now and I haven't seen him in 15 years. Tom is great. Everyone loves him, wants us to get married, but I can't seem to take the leap. I can't stand how everyone constantly asks me 'why aren't you two married yet?'

And I really want to start having children now. I'm so stressed. Tom knows everything I've told you, but loves me so much he is willing to wait.

Do I get married without that 'soul mate' feeling that I always wanted?

-- Mary

Female, age 31, USA

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