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Dear Panel,

Getting into the Academy is the first step to my dream of becoming an astronaut, so I can't possibly fail, or my life will be ruined. There definitely isn't enough time for me to find another girl to get over Lauren because I leave so soon.

Is there any possible way that I can be completely happy and fulfill my life long dream?

-- Shane

Male, age 18, Florida

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a pretty sensitive guy who tries very hard to please those that I care for. I understand that I am pretty attractive, which scares a lot of girls away from me. I try to be everyone's friend, and don't have a problem with anyone unless they find some reason to dislike me. I think about how my actions will effect those that I love, and choose what is best for them.

She Acts Slutty

Lauren is the type of girl that requires lots of attention by acting like a "slut." She doesn't care if people think low of her because she knows what she thinks. She has to be cool, and will do anything in order to be cool in the eyes of everyone. She has little self respect, and so tries to make up for what she think she lacks by degrading herself.

Lauren and I have been going out for 9 months now. I wasn't even really trying to date her, but situations with another girl forced us to go to homecoming together. Gradually, we became official and began dating exclusively.

I Fell In Love With Her

At first I really didn't care about her, because I always had the other girl, so I didn't care what she did either. Following a situation where I did something obscene with another girl at Guavaween, we almost broke up, which is what I was actually hoping for. She forgave me though, and so eventually I started to fall in love with her.

As I got more feelings for her, I gave up more and more of my single personality, which is what I was hoping would happen with her as well. I was sadly mistaken, and soon found out that she could not give up her personality to be with me.

I Told Her It Hurts Me

So finally I had enough of her slutty behavior, and told her that it hurt me when she acted like she did. She claimed she loves me, and can't bare to lose me, so she will try a change for me. She admits that she is flirtatious, a tease, and that she acts like a slut, which I can't see anyone being proud of, but for some reason she is.

I see it as that she is too afraid to be seen as a girlfriend, because girlfriends can't be cool. She thinks that there is nothing wrong with exposing herself, flirting provocatively with any guy, and dancing like a slut with other guys because she enjoys being a tease.

She thinks that just because she doesn't actually do anything with another guy, that she is OK. We have had many arguments about this subject, each time hoping for a resolution because we both love each other immensely. It is now to the point though where I finally realize she just can't change, and I can't be happy with how she acts.

I'm Going To The Air Force Academy

The only problem is that I have been accepted to the Air Force Academy, and have to report for basic training in 10 days. We are planning on staying together. If you don't already know, basic training and the year that follows are extremely grueling, and if I were to break up with her, I know that I would be too depressed and lack the moral to make it through.

Getting into the Academy is the first step to my dream of becoming an astronaut, so I can't possibly fail, or my life will be ruined. There definitely isn't enough time for me to find another girl to get over Lauren because I leave so soon. So I am basically stuck with the decision to break up and sacrifice my life long dream, or stay with the girl that I truly love that causes me so much pain and survive the Academy.

I have resorted to telling her to lie to me about what she does when I leave so that I don't get upset about what she does, which I don't really enjoy at all, but seems to be the only way to get me through the Academy and not be upset with her. It's really to the point where I love her so much that I hate her.

My hope is that I will find a girl at the Academy who I can use to break up with Lauren and get over her. This just seems like such a screwed up relationship, but I have no choice but to stay in it. It's like I'm stuck, and I hate her for it, because it's her fault.

Is there any possible way that I can be completely happy and fulfill my life long dream?

-- Shane

Male, age 18, Florida

Alex, Brian, Megan, and Shyann answer this question.

 

 

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