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Dear Panel,

The whole time we were going out I kept having this frustrated feeling that the sex should be more satisfying and fun.

...Is chemistry something that we can develop over time, or should I just move on?

-- Zorro

Male, age 38, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I Broke Up With Her A Few Months Ago

I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago after a year of struggling with feeling like we didn't have enough sexual chemistry. In all other ways we got along great, had all kinds of things in common, went through a lot together: we were best friends, soul-mates.

She's Attractive

She is an attractive woman, and gets a lot of attention because of it. I'm attracted to her, too. But the whole time we were going out I kept having this frustrated feeling that the sex should be more satisfying and fun. Instead, I never seemed to get that "warm all over" feeling when kissing her, and the actual sex often seemed mechanical and awkward.

Usually I just wanted to get it over with and ended up avoiding sex. This was very un-typical of me as I've always been into long lazy love-making and I am a very sensual person.

I finally left because I was afraid of always lusting after other women and didn't want to wake up in 5 years thinking I had made a huge mistake.

I've Met Someone New

Since the breakup I've started dating another girl, and we have GREAT chemistry. The sex is effortless and very satisfying for both of us; or we can just kiss for hours. She is a really great person, beautiful, talented, but I find I am always thinking about and missing my ex and our deep connection.

Should We Get Back Together?

Recently I got in touch with my ex and she said she would consider getting back together. I don't want to put her through the pain of another breakup if the problem is still there, and I don't want to waste her time, either.

She thinks the sex thing is something we could work out through therapy. I'm not so sure, though I would like to think it could be.

Is chemistry something that we can develop over time, or should I just move on? I am very sad and confused.

-- Zorro

Male, age 38, USA

Charlie, Bodacious, and Orbit answer this question.

 

 

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