Hello! My name is Jeannie. I am a 29-year-old female living in the Silicon Valley. I still have my job (whew) and surprise, surprise it happens to be in computers. (Desktop publishing & design to be exact.)
This is the third rendition of Love and Learn Panelist Jeannie. However, I find that I write these profiles of myself in a moment
and that moment changes, sometimes by the second, other times by the week or month or year. And since our amazing web mistress would probably kill me if I changed my profile by the second, Ill stick with a few times a year. I promise, the next rendition will be only for something major, like marriage, children or perhaps a second dog in the family.
I am not so different from other people in that I laugh, I cry, I hurt and I get angry. I am unique, in that I have had my own set of problems and painful relationships
from romances to friendships to family. Ive learned that every person in my life is worthy of my complete, full efforts in that relationship...whether it be my best friend, the man I love or my family. I have spent the last 29 years of my life alternately dreaming about my future, sighing over my past and learning to live in my present.
Im not so sure what my future will hold, and thats part of what intrigues me about it. I know that I see the man I love by my side, I see sharing children with him
lots of them
and I see my family. Surrounding myself by those things is what I find most important in my life. I see a life full of love and of laughter and Im sure more than a few angry moments and tears along the way. But I have made a promise to myself never again to forget those things that are important to me.
I did forget. I allowed other people to influence my outlook on life, my outlook on myself and what I wanted out of life. Those dreams that I had tucked under my pillows as a child
of getting married, of being a mom and having a family
I stowed them away when I hurt too much, when the idea of loving so much or giving so much became too much for me to deal with. So I put those dreams away and focused on others. I focused on myself, on healing those pains inside of me. I focused on discovering what makes me tick
and figuring out which woman on Sex and the City I most resemble. (Can you guess?)
I have come to recognize that I am only human. I make mistakes; I'm not perfect and never will be. (Who needs that kind of pressure?) And though the relationships in my past did not work out, they certainly didn't fail either. They did exactly what they were supposed to do left me with some great memories (and some not-so-great ones), but more importantly, brought me a little closer to figuring out what I want out of life
and to figuring out who I am (I promise not to break out in song here.).
I also know now that the only person that I can change is myself. I've found myself in relationships with VERY different men...and yet the outcome is always the same. Perhaps three times is the charm, because it took three relationships to help me see my mistakes
that I was the common thread, not them. I recognized that I had tried all along to change the guy to make myself feel better, when what I should have done was take a long look in the mirror. In a relationship, you can't change the other person you need to accept and love them for exactly who they are and also find a way to stay true to yourself, to stay true to your own needs and limitations. It's a fine line, but a well balanced one. I can't say I always manage to walk it without slipping, but at least I know where the line is now. I have learned the value of trust, of respect
and I know that I deserve equal measures of both.
Living my Present
I surround myself with the people I love; the people who make me laugh and are still there when I cry. The people that I know will always be a part of my life. And now, I am living MY dreams. I am realizing those dreams that make my heart sing
some I share with others, and some are just for me.
I have learned to walk on my own, and I've also learned to match my steps with others. But through it all, I am still me. No one will ever change the person that I am unless I allow it. I have learned from some of my mistakes, I'm still learning from the ones I'm making but most importantly, I'm living I'm living my life to the fullest that I can. And I won't regret a minute of it.