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Looking in Phoenix asks:

I just met a really nice guy who just broke up with his girlfriend of 2+ years a little over a month ago.  I am ready for a longer term relationship. We didn't intend to start dating but we both really like each other.  I am concerned that I will become the rebound person.  We have discussed these concerns and he is concerned about the same thing, but says he really wants to keep seeing me anyway. yellbut.gif Should I be concerned or does it just work out sometimes even after a break up from a long term relationship? 

Alicia Answers:

First of all, rent the movie Swingers.  The whole movie deals with the rebound question.  Second, of course "sometimes" this can work out, in fact judging by the frequency that my ex-boyfriends have gotten married to the next person they met, I'd say your chances are pretty goo

with you, everything is a sexual issue

dhopeTinL.gif. In my experience, rebounding is more of a sexual issue than a relationship issue.  Breaking up is rarely easy for either party, and the longer the relationship, the bigger the void after its gone.  Especially when your sex life is completely cut-off.

 

Look at the Details

This is where you have to be more critical of this guy.  Does he talk about his ex all the time?  Is he overly affectionate to you?  Is he moving quickly in the physical sense?  Any of these things can mean that he is trying to replace his girlfriend with you.  On the other hand, consider the opposite. He has been with another woman for two years.  Consider yourself lucky if they are on good terms.  And really lucky if he tells her about you.  It may feel awkward and you might get jealous, but if they are friends, it means he didn't give her reason to hate him, so he won't be using you to try to get back at her.  In this relationship, you will also have to control your perception, because its too easy to blame all small conflicts on this socially imposed concept of the rebound.

Think of men as dogs, but in a positive light.

But you can't teach an old dog new tricks

readerT.gif(I love dogs, really)  It's nice to get a puppy because they can be so cute, but an older dog is TRAINED.  This guy should have learned from his old relationship and ca

Maybe YOUR men are dogs, I want more in a relationship

nmaretin.gif reinvent himself to you without annoying habits that might've ruined his last relationship.  Know that a guy who just got out of a relationship at least has the propensity to be in a committed relationship.  Think of how much better off you are with someone like that than the guy who has not been in a relationship in two years and hits up the bars every weekend.

And maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe this relationship could be awful and end before it starts, but let the basis of a failed relationship be that you are not compatible after al

absolutely

l, singletin2.gifrather than the fact that he just came out of a relationship.  Its not often that you find someone that you can feel comfortable with, so letting this detail dissuade you from giving the relationship a try would be a mistake.  Good luck!

 

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