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Dear Panel:

 I have just been recently married to someone I have "dated" for eight years.  It was a rocky relationship, he never really treated me very well, always putting me down, and pushing me away. Well, I got pregnant in 1997, and later had a beautiful baby boy in 1998, he, because of this event, finally wanted to marry me, so we were wed in 1999.  Now, I reluctantly have fallen in love with another man.  One who is my best friend, extremely intelligent, very sensitive, and never a harsh word from his lips. (I've actually known this person for about four years now)His says he is in love with me too, actually he said it first, and is quite confident that I am the "one".  I really think I have married the wrong man,yellbut.gif what should I do?

 heartsick

Hope Answers:

First of all, you're married, so stop looking!

Marriage is sacred but...

readerTF.gif To paraphrase from King Solomon, often called the wisest man to ever live, adultery never delivers what it promises.

I knew you would say that, but you're wrong

maretin.gifFlee as fast as you can.  Marriage is a commitment to stay with your mate until death. Period. You willfully entered

You're right, she should take responsibility for her mistake

aliciaLtin.gif into this lifelong commitment, so now you have to make it work. If you can't live by those rules now, why do you think you will be able to make your nex

So she made a mistake, She now has a right to make her life better

t hopeTinL.gifmarriage even better?

Besides, you will never EVER truly be fulfilled in any marriage until you have learned the meaning of true commitment and unconditional love. If you are comparing your husband to another man (who by the way will probably come out looking better until you have actually lived with him, persevered through the hard times together, hit that "comfortable" plateau in marriage, etc., etc.), then you will never find the "right one."

We all make mistakes

readerT.gif

 The very attitude that causes us to go looking, even if it is even within our own hearts, is the very thing that prevents us from ultimately finding what we are looking for. Remember: the grass is greener where you water it...

The "right one" is by definition, the very one to whom you have committed yoursel

But she has a right to a better life

fmaretin.gif, because that is the key ingredient that allows the relationship to flourish. In a truly committed relationship, you have the freedom and security to expose the deepest, most personal part of yourself to your mate and to develop the intimacy we all crave.

But marriage takes work

You're right, marriage takes work. But if you have major doubts, it may not be worth it

katie.gif- a lot of work. I sympathize with your difficult position realize how painful it can be to be in a "bad" relationship, but it doesn't have to stay that way. You need to realize that often happiness comes more from giving than receiving, so put your energies into your marriage and not into this other man. Perhaps you need to seek counseling with

Maybe she was trying to replicate a bad childhood?

singletin2.gif your husband to work on the problem areas of your marriage or to develop a deeper friendship and romance with your husband over time. Maybe now is a good time for both of you to develop a closer relationship with God and to seek his strength in your marriage. You should also think about why you were drawn to him in the first place. You obviously saw something of value in him -- cultivate those qualities!

One other thing to consider: once you have a child, you

That's also a good point Hope

aliciaLtin.gif can no longer think only of yourself and what is best for you. Obviously, you have a moral obligation to create the best possible home and life for your child. Keeping your family intact and making a serious effort to strengthen your marriage will not only benefit you and your husband, but your child too.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif

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