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Looking in Phoenix asks:

I just met a really nice guy who just broke up with his girlfriend of 2+ years a little over a month ago.  I am ready for a longer term relationship. We didn't intend to start dating but we both really like each other.  I am concerned that I will become the rebound person.  We have discussed these concerns and he is concerned about the same thing, but says he really wants to keep seeing me anyway. yellbut.gif Should I be concerned or does it just work out sometimes even after a break up from a long term relationship? 

Lefty Answers:

Let's see....let's eliminate all people who used to be in a relationship.  Oops, nobody left in the eligible dating pool.

I have heard that it takes half the time that a relationship lasted for the parties involved to get over that relationship.  However, this theory seems so arbitrary that couples who hear of this rule promptly start debating about how long it would take each of them to get over the other.  Affecting factors in the relationship are also discussed, e.g. quality of their relationship, who would dump who, how long the relationship was downsizing, etc.

 

No One is Perfect

I try to rate potential mates on a continuum.  Ax murderers and substance abusers are on the lower end of the scale.  Rich heiresses who shower me with love and presents are at the top of the scale.  A woman whose beloved husband died yesterday, who cries constantly and continuously moans about her horrible loss has pretty low potential.

Where do I put Mr. Rebound?  He's a nice guy, seems very reasonable and tries to work on the situation with you.  Moreover, he seems interested in long term relationships (based on past history), is very interested in you, and you seem to like him.

Is a month enough time for him to handle the

But you should look at the details

aliciaLtin.gifgrief of a two year relationship?  Is there a hard and fast rule to follow to determine whether he's ok to enter into another relationship, regardless of what the two of you think?

I think not.  I think that it would be pretty darn short-sighted of you to drop this guy on the mere possibility tha

But it is easy to kid yourself

tsingletin2.gif he cannot handle another relationship now, even though all indications are that you both recognize the problems and can work on a new relationship.  However if you do drop this guy and he's as good as you think he is, I'm sure that the next woman he meets will be very grateful to you for your uncertainty.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif

 

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