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Lonely Heart asks:

Here I find myself back in the dating game after being married for 13 years, separated one. I am a 34 year old male, father of two wonderful kids, 11 year old boy and 12 year old daughter. Kim was my High School sweetheart and my first true love. REJECTION is a major issue here since she is the one that asked for the DIVORCE. After a year, yellbut.gifloneliness kind of sets in and get old quick. I am totally lost in the single scene.

Mare Answers:

It looks like you have experienced lot of pain over the end of your marriage. When a relationship ends, it's painful -- whether or not you were the one who ended i

Bull! It makes a BIG difference who ended it. Rejection affects your self worth

tsingletin2.gif.  You go through lots of emotions - rejection, anger, depression, relief, happiness, etc.  One day you wake up and say, "I'm over it!" only to find that the next day is your worst.  But it does get better. I'm going to say that again for you and for everyone reading: It does get better.  Take good care of yourself and think about seeing a counselor. Talking to someone always helps during hard times.

Dating is Out

As for the "singles scene" you mention, forget about it.  From what I can tell, there is no singles scene and dating is definitely out

Of course dating is out- that would be infidelity!

.hopeTinL.gif  Instead, you should focus on friendships. 

          That's how I met my 2nd husband.

readerTF.gifMake friends with everyone you meet -- men, women, attached, unattached -- everyone who you find interesting.  Don't be afraid to ask them to do things with you.  If they say "no", so what?  Ask the next person you find interesting.    One catch: You have to genuinely want to be friends.  If you see a beautiful woman and you think, "I'll try to be friends with her so I can sleep with her later" it doesn't work.  She'll sense it

I totaly understand lonely heart

.readerT.gif The pay-off for making friends is huge.  Your life is enriched by wonderful, supportive people, you have many fun times, and you just may end up like one of my friends..

I'm going to three weddings this year.  All of the couples owe their love lives to friendship.  One couple were friends since elementary school.  They stayed in touch over the years and fell in love when they both reached 29 years old.  The second were introduced by mutual friends, talked over the phone several times before they saw each other, and met over dinner with these friends.  The third couple got to know each other over a year of country dancing.  The woman was not attracted to the man, so she considered him her "safety" dancer -- when she didn't have a "real" prospect to dance with, she danced with him.  In this no pressure environment, they got to know each other really well before they considered romance.  They got married last night and it was a very nice wedding.


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