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My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary in two days, and we both know that we love each other.

 Anyway, in the past 3 or 4 months, I've found that it's becoming harder and harder to get off the phone or say goodnight after going out.  I have this subconscious fear that he's going to dump me (he's told me 1000 times that he loves me no matter what and that he is not going to dump me; he gets irritated with my constant reply of "I'm just afraid of losing you to someone else," to his question of "what's wrong?"  He can always tell when I'm upset) Or that he's going to leave and something terrible is going to happen I'm never going to see him again.

 We used to spend loads of time together when we first started going out, which was just before our senior year in high school.  We've both recently graduated, he just turned 19 and I'm almost 18, and he's recently gotten a job.  I'd just like some advice on how to cope with my fear and the depression of not being able to see him as much as I used to.  It's my fault and it's hurting our relationship and causing us both a lot of mental and emotional anguish.  Please


Lefty Answers:

It looks to me like you're RIGHT!  Just because someone is paranoid, doesn't mean that the world is not out to get him.  I think that your boyfriend probably will dump you.  I think that he's not going to spend as much time with you in the future as he has in the past.  I think that he may meet someone else.  And yes, I think that you're hastening these probabilities and are hurting the relationship with the way you're acting.

Isn't it comforting to know that I agree with you?  However, the GOOD NEWS is that I don't agree with you for the reasons that you are thinking; that is, what I'm thinking you're thinking according to what you wrote...nevermind.  Anyway, your boyfriend is growing up

She's so deep in the relationship, she feels there's nothing but it; and that's not good.

. hopeTinL.gif He's going to work, making a living, meeting new people, getting new skills, in short, expanding his horizons.  What are YOU doing?  It sounds like your boyfriend is the be-all of your existence.  Where are YOUR new skills?

I agree, she MUST  think of HER OWN future.

aliciaLtin.gif How do YOU meet new people?  How are YOU going to continue to grow?

Clinging to your boyfriend and demanding more of his time may be cute in the short run, but is certain to be destructive in the long run.  A relationship should be based on equals; two people who like each other and continue to grow with each other.  Why don't you think of what you would like to do with your life, and not make it ALL contingent on your boyfriend?

Oh yes, the other reason that I think this relationship may not work out is because you are both really YOUNG!  People go through a lot of changes at your age.

And even if he ends up leaving her - It won't be the end of the world

maretin.gif People experiment.  There's a long way to go before you become a 40 something, bitter, hermit bachelor like myself.  Do some growing up, look around you, and if you and your boyfriend remain in a committed relationship, that's wonderful!  But if not, it's normal, and either way you should do some growing of your own.


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