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Dear Panel:

I'm having a hard time trusting men.. I have been lied to sooo many times that I am beginning to not believe anything men tell me.

Now a man I work with says he really wants to get to know me and keeps telling me how much he thinks we "belong together".


I really like him but don't believe the things he is telling me!.. HELP!


Hope Answers:

I can certainly sympathize with your situation... In many of the questions I have answered at Love and Learn, I have told people to watch for actions, not just words, because our actions usually paint a more accurate picture of our true intentions.

So I would suggest two things: First, carefully observe his actions to determine if he follows through on what he says. For example, he says he wants to get to know you. Does he call you, or does he expect you to do the pursuing? Does he demonstrate by his actions that he is interested in who you are, or is he trying to push himself on you or "get his way" with you to satisfy his own desires? Is he respectful of you? Does he spend time talking and listening to you and pursuing a friendship? After all, if he truly does want to get to know you, he will spend time cultivating a solid friendship, and not push you into something more than you are comfortable with.

He says that you "belong together." Have you asked him why he thinks that? If he is still at the stage of getting to know you, then how is he so certain already that you belong together? Does he treat you like a found treasure, a special woman just for him? If he says that you belong together, then it should show in his actions that he has found "the one" for him. Otherwise, maybe he is just saying it because it sounds alluring. Or maybe he's fooling himself. Again, watch what he does!

Secondly, try not to be "paranoid" or make him pay for others' mistakes. I think we need to give people a fair chance, while still protecting ourselves. It is sometimes hard to find the right balance of guarding your heart without being cynical or shutting people out because we don't trust them.

A practical way to guard your heart while allowing time to

Is it only women who have to guard their heart?

singletin2.gif watch his actions is to take the relationship slowly by building a solid friendship before even considering anything else. Trust is earned, and that takes time!


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