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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me a week ago. I was the one who originally brought up the idea to separate for awhile.  A few days later, to my surprise he agreed with me. 
The reason we thought we should be away from each other was because of our constant arguing over (usually) very trivial stuff.  We both love each other very much and were friends for 3 years before we started going out. The problem is we both have pretty bad tempers.  I know he would never hit me, but it hurts to argue so much with someone you love.  He's tried leaving for 20 minutes or so during an argument, so we both have time to cool down, but when he returns we just start back up again. 
I really don't know what to do. We get along so well when we aren't arguing. I want to get back with him but I don't want our relationship to be like it was before. We have problems listening to each other sometimes.  We didn't seem to run into these problems until we'd been going out 6 months. Part of our pro!blem may be that we usually see each other every day.yelbtblk.gif

I would appreciate any help or advice you have for me.  My bf and I are both 17

Hope Answers:

Since you first brought up the idea of separating, it sounds like deep down you know this had to be done. It is just really hard to break up, and I'm sure your feelings of doubt, remorse, and loneliness are very natural.

But don't second guess your gut instincts which led you to this decision. Anger can quickly turn into rage

It might work after a break.

,guestFtin.gif which can lead to violence. Whether you call it "instincts" or divine intervention and protection (which is what I call it), your decision to call it off was probably a good one! And if you get back together without dealing with the issue that caused you to separate in the first place, you will eventually find yourself back at this point again.

Another thing to consider: if your relationship can't handle daily contact, then what future is there for the two of you? When you're married, you spend every day together -- for the rest of your life!

Who's talking about marriage - they are only 17!

aliciaLtin.gif You need to make sure you have the communication skills, maturity, and the basic temperaments and attitudes to be able to make it for the long haul, under stressful circumstances, disagreements, and daily pressures of life. I don't mean to sound depressing, but life's pressures only get more intense as the years roll on...

So, it sounds as though you both need to work on anger management, and then decide if your relationship is strong enough to be able to handle the kind of commitment it takes to build a life together. I don't think you should get back together until you have both decided that you are willing to let go of the petty arguments, give up your right "to be right," and take on a selfless (instead of a selfish) attitude toward each other.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif


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