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Dear Panel,

My long-distance boyfriend(I live in Texas, he's in Canada) of over a year recently broke up with me when I went to visit him. He says that I'm 'everything' he wants and needs, but doesn't think I'm the 'one'.

This is very surprising, because we were 'unofficially engaged'(engaged without a ring) for quite a while, and had practically planned every part of our wedding except the date. I never see him (of course) but I know I still love him..he says that because he didn't love me in a year, we must not be right for each other, but I know 'You Can't Hurry

yelbtblk.gif

Love'..What should I do?

tearful texan

Mare Answers:

I think you hit the nail on the head when you quoted Diana Ross and the Supremes ("You can't hurry love"), but perhaps "Baby Love" might describe your situation better.  Simply put, your boyfriend sounds like he is very young (emotionally, if not chronologically) and he's not at all ready to settle down.

What's got me curious is why he was talking about wedding plans if he was still deciding whether or not he loved you.  Were you leading those discussions or did he bring up the matter?  If he was doing the talking, he is either dishonest or doesn't know himself very well.

 As I said to Clare, some men like to play marriage without the commitment.

aliciaLtin.gif In any case, I guess we now know what "unofficially engaged" really means.

You can't control anyone else's behavior and it's a good idea not to try ? he'll resent you for it.

There is no decision to make. Just move on.

  aliciaLtin.gifSo, all you can do is decide whether you want to wait for someone who isn't ready and may not love you or move on.  If you decide to stay with him, it's definitely time to drop the wedding cake and invitations talk until things are official.

 

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif

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