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Dear Panel,

My girlfriend and I are very in love. However, she is not used to the way I treat her. She has been in many bad relationships in the past where her "significant other" has been extremely poor to her. According to her, I treat her like a queen.

Now, I love her very much, and want to please her; mentally, spiritually, and physically. I believe I have the first two pegged. We enjoy each others company and love to talk and cuddle. But... We have had many extrememly passionate "make out sessions." I please her, and she would like me to advance on her (as in stroking and petting her vaginal area) but every time I try, she pulls back and we end up "taking a rest."

 I've always told her that I don't want to make her uncomfortable, yet she maintains that she would like me to advance on her... and every time I try, she pulls back. And she says that she thinks it's because she was "traumatized" in her past relationships. While I am happy with our relationship where it is, needless to say, yelbtblk.gif

I'm also rather confused! What advice can you give me?

Hope Answers:


Because your girlfriend is "pulling away," it is obvious that she really doesn't want a physical relationship. You need to build the relationship around something else.

Sometimes women feel like they need to give in physically to be accepted and wanted by a man. Maybe she just thinks this is what is expected of her in a relationship but she truly doesn't want to go there.

There are good reasons why "everyone does it".

aliciaLtin.gifMaybe deep down feels like it is wrong and doesn't want to do this, but thinks that this is just what "you do."  It's what "everyone does."

You need to do what's right, not what others (including your girlfriend) want you to do, especially if you want to please her spiritually and emotionally. But how can you know what "right" is?

Since God is the inventor of relationships and sex (and each one of us),

I think talking to his girlfriend about it would be more helpful than talking to God.

aliciaLtin.gifHe alone holds the measuring stick to assess what's right. He loves us and only wants what's best for us, so He created sex and physical intimacy as the ultimate (and safe) experience within the context of a committed marriage.

Starting a physical relationship before marriage is dangerous because you are creating an intimacy that was never meant to be there. It is premature; you are playing with fire. If something does happen and then your girlfriend regrets it, you will have more problems to deal with in the relationship, and you will never be able to take it back.

I think you should help her to deal with her past without the pressure of adding more mistakes onto it. After all, if you go down that road, there's no turning back. You can't undo what is done. Besides, it's so much better anyway when you wait until after marriage -- there's no comparison! There is freedom in doing it God's way - no hesitation, no shame, no pulling back. It's so much more special!

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif


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