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Should I keep waiting for marriage?

Dear Panel,

I have been living with my current boyfriend for almost 4 years.  Everytime I bring up the subject of marriage, we end up in a fight, with me upset and him angry.  He says that he doesn't have the money to get married, but yet I see he has no problem saving for other things he wants.  We just went to two weddings where he gave $500 to each couple as a wedding gift. 

The most recent tension came when his brother got engaged to a girl who after 2 years broke up with his brother when he gave her the same excuse.  8 months later they got back together and now they are getting married in november.  Also, when my boyfriend heard that his 10 high school reunion is coming up, I overheard him telling a friend of his, wondering if his friend was bringing his girlfriend. He said that I had said that I would like to go, but that he feels that I only want to go so that I know where he is.  He said that he was going to blow me off and go solo.  He does not know that I heard this because he would turn the arguement towards it being my fault for listening. 

Is this the conduct of a guy who I am to believe when he says that he wants to spend his life with me, but yet when the subject comes up he gets angry, and doesn't want anyone at his reunion to know that I exist?  Also, a childhood friend of his is moving to town soon, and he has been giving HER the impression that he is not with anyone, even though he says that since she saw us together 3 years ago that she will still automatically know that we are still together.

By the way, I'm 30 and he will be 29 next week.  We have a year to go on our lease.  I told him that this is the last year that I will sign a lease with him without being engaged.


NO, let him off for bad conduct.


You are not getting the respect that you deserve.


It is time for self reflection.

See Also:
What should I do if he won't talk about marriage?

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