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Dear Panel,

My best friend has been in love with this guy for almost a year, but he doesn't even care about her.  About 2 months ago he started calling me, and before I knew it I was in love with him and he returned those feelings.  I haven't told my friend yet because she has been gone for 3 months.  I don't know whether to forget him and stay with my friend, or how to break to her the news. Can you help me?


Dazed and Confused in Houston

Hope Answers:

That's a tough situation, because you could potentially lose this friendship. Relationships come and go, but a true friend is a real treasure. On the other hand, there may be potential for this relationship to blossom into something special.

I think you need to figure out exactly what your feelings are for him. You say that after he started calling you, you fell in love with him. That could mean many different things... What you're feeling could be infatuation. Maybe you're flattered that he is paying attention to you. People "fall" in and out of love quite easily because what they feel is often infatuation. And feelings change over time. However, true love does not. It is a commitment that will go the distance. It is built upon a solid friendship, and it is a choice -- a commitment -- to put the needs of the other above yourself and to demonstrate an unselfish devotion to one another.

So, having said that, I think the best thing to do is to seriously determine if you are experiencing infatuation for him or if there is potential for a real love to develop between

I would question his character because he has been seeing 2 best friends.

aliciaLtin.gif the two of you. Take a good honest look at his character. Does he have the qualities you are looking for? If what you are feeling is a mere infatuation or a fleeting excitement about

The fact that you have hidden it for 2 months is probably what will hurt her the most.

aliciaLtin.gifsomeone new, it is not worth losing a best friend over it.

Regardless of what you do, the most important thing is to be extremely sensitive and considerate of your friend's feelings. Don't try to hide the relationship from her. Be honest with her!

Because she will find out anyway..


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