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Dear Panel,

I have been with my guy for 2 1/2 years.  In the 1st 6 months of our relationship he made a play for my best friend.  We got all that resolved.  But since then, I have encountered hidden female lunch dates, hidden female phone calls, and, most recently, hidden female emails, all of which has been come across by accident. 

At the time of each discovery, I have approached him in a non-accusing way.  Each time he tells me that he didn't tell me about it because there is nothing to it, and he didn't want me to make something more of it.  Each time I would tell him that if everything had been kept above board, I wouldn't have anything to think about it. 

I know that he loves me very much, and now he's talking marriage.  Should I believe all these encounters are as innocent as he claims or am I right to be suspicious?



 Love is innocent?

Judith Answers:

If you have doubts about his honesty or his integrity don't get married. I can't say this strongly enough.  I don't know how trustworthy HE is, but I know you

I agree, if he can't regain her trust, it wont work.

aliciaLtin.gifdon't trust him, and what is more miserable than being with someone you don't trust! 

Take a break - sort it out - explain to him that you don't trust him and you aren't sure if he can fix it but you will have to learn to trust him before you get married, then take a step back from the marriage talk and start building a relationship based on trust. You can do this by telling him what will prove his trustworthiness -

That's right, no Sins of Omission.

aliciaLtin.gif total and complete honesty at all times.  If he can't live with those standards, you shouldn't be with him at all.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif







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