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Dear Panel,

I'm currently working on obtaining healthy friendships. Can U compare and contrast a healthy friendship guidelines and bad friendship guidelines. Being friends with folks in combination with a good deal self disclosure for me is a yelbtblk.giffrightening ordeal


Mare Answers:

If you've followed my point-of-view here on Love and Learn, you know that I'm a BIG proponent of friendships, so I'm delighted that you asked this question.  It is a great goal for you to seek out new friendships.  Here's a comparison for you:

A good friend is there when you need her.  She says, "Why don't I take care of your kids so you can take a break for a while?" A not-so-good friend  says, "I'd love to help you move, but I'm having my nails done that morning."

A good friend engages in an even give-and-take of thoughts, ideas, and feelings .  The good friend says, "What's going on in your life?" and listens to your answer. A not-so-good friend cries, "Well that's my sob story - or at least as much as I can tell you in 45 minutes.  I've got to go!" and never returns the favor.

A good friend has a life of his own and lets you have a life of your own. When you tell a not-so-good friend that you are going to do something with someone else, he says, "Oh.  I guess I'm not invited" and doesn't speak to you for days.

A good friend is someone with whom you can do many activities - go to a movie, go bowling, hike or walk. A not-so-good friend is only there for activities that will benefit her or activities that involve drinking or drugs.

You can have a single-acti vity friends

singletin2.gif(For those of you with drinking buddies, try this test to see if they are good friends.  Ask them if they want to go have coffee and talk.  See if they come.)

These are some of my ideas on a healthy friendship - and I discovered that they apply pretty well to a healthy romantic relationship as well.  What do you readers think a healthy friendship is? Let us know!

One more thing -

That is the best way to ensure you are in a healthy relationship.

singletin2.gif don't forget that all of the things you want from a good friend are things that you must give as a good friend.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif








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