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Dear Panel,

Two and a half weeks ago, my girlfriend of two years decided to break up with me. We met in law school when I was in my tthird and final year and she was in her first year. We have been long-distance since August of 1998.

We were doing fine with the long-distance thing. We saw one another every two or three weeks. I had been planning on moving to NY (where she lives) for some time. I took the NY bar exam and have been interviewing in NY for the past couple of weeks. I finally received a second interview from a law firm and when I told her, she didn't seem very excited.

She told me that she was feeling "too much pressure to get married" and that she didn't want me moving to New York. She said the guilt she would feel if things turned sour would eat her up forever. Let it be said, though, that there was absolutely no indication that things would ever turn sour. She and I had a beautiful relationship. Each time we saw one another, things were better than the last time.

She believes that I am moving to NY solely because of her. I have told her countless times that I am moving for myself. I have a dozen or so friends there and I am excited to make a change in my life. She is not convinced. Part of my thinks that she wants to stay broken up until I decide to move there so that she will know my decision is independent of her.

Her parents went through a bitter divorce some five years ago and she has never really dealt with it. She is not close with her siblings and she has what I consider a huge fear of commitment. She said she doesn't know if she wants to get married, which is OK. I told her that our relationship, while two years old, isn't like most two year relationships because we've been long-distance. I have been speaking to her once or twice a week and it's killing me all day every day. I am trying to give her space, but I don't want to give her too much space for fear that things will fade away. What should I do??

Moving to NYC Anyway

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